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Question
Posted by: poopoo | 2003/12/12

father in law gets beaten up

i have been sworn to secrecy about my father in law getting beaten up bt his older son but now my fiance the younger son doesnt know anything about it and i want him to know but they asked me not to tell him cos there will be big kuk what can i do to help my father in law? i am not even supposed to know

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Our expert says:
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Dear pp,
Yes, try to reach HEAL. Otherwise, it's worth clarifying WHY you want to intervene. Is the old man at risk from his other son, such that your fiancee needs to know, to help protect his Dad ? Could you make excuses to take youtr fiancee to visit his dad moe often, so he could have a better chance of finding out by talking with his Dad ?
I'm also puzled about how you came to know, if it's such a secret --- who would have told you and not your fiancee, and why ? I'm not complaining that you know, but am wondering what they were wanting to achieve ? Were they "swearing you to secrecy" in the hope that you would NOT keep the secret but pass it on to your fiance ?
If this was a one-off argument, has never happened before and is highly unlikely to happen again, there's more reason to consider waiting to see what happens. If the older man is still at risk of further assault, the need to tell someone able to intervene usefully, is higher and more urgent. Why doesn't the father complain to the police, for instance ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: poopoo | 2003/12/12

thanks a mil concerned

Reply to poopoo
Posted by: Concerned | 2003/12/12

Health24 had an excellent article by Ilse Pauw: When grandparents become victims of abuse. There was a reference to HEAL - an NGO dealing with this problem. Maybe you could give them a call for advice? If you type in "HEAL" in the search facility, you should be able to access the article.<br>Good luck!

Reply to Concerned
Posted by: poopoo | 2003/12/12

my dear i only found out today!!!!!

Reply to poopoo
Posted by: lulu | 2003/12/12

Do something immediately! How do you sleep at night?

Reply to lulu

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