Posted by: Mzaifani | 2009/07/20

Family v/s Girlfriend

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 13 months now, I have introduced her to both my parents and they both like her. She seems to get along with my brothers and sister. However, what concerns me the most is that she thinks that my younger brother is too spoiled, my elder one is selfish and my sister is not such a good mother. I do not like hearing all these bad things about my family all the time, especially coming from her. We' ve spoken about this a number of times and she says if I did not always take my family side and overlook her feelings and opinions.

I love her a lot and I believe we could be building a great thing together, at the same time I do not want to be with someone who does not think much of my family. We have had quite a number of arguments over me allegedly ignoring her feelings and opinions when it comes to my family. At the moment, she and my brother' s girlfriend do not get along at all and this has created a bit of tension between her and my brother, which subsequently has a bad impact on me as well. As much as i believe the beef between them is unnecessary, I do feel like most of it comes from her and I' ve told her about this.

How can I improve the quality of the relations between her and my family, or is it a matter of choosing between the two now? Which really is not much of a choice...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe she's right in her perceptions of your family, maybe she's wrong ; but she should be tactful and respectful, and not assume that (a) she is right, or (b) that anyone would benefit from hearing her opinion.
Its one thing for you to support her if the family are critical of her, but whether a brother is spoilt or a sister not a fabulous mother, is neither any of her business nor does it actually affect her in any way. She can't reasonably expect you to accept all of her prejudices
She doesn't have to love or even like your brother's gf, but to be polite towards her --- if that gf didn't like her, would she expect your brother to automatically think badly of her ? Marriage would nopt be a good idea unless pre-maritcal couples counselling can sort this out. Who appointed her a judge towards other people ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mzaifani | 2009/07/21

My girlfriend and I broke up last night! I found her to be quite selfish as of late and I' m tired of tolerating her ish and cutting myself short in the at the same time. I know we might just get back together, but only if she promises to change her selfish ways.

Reply to Mzaifani
Posted by: 007Boer | 2009/07/20

I ahv ethis rule that you can only criticise if you can produce a solution.

Reply to 007Boer
Posted by: Mzaifani | 2009/07/20

Thank you for the advice. It is good to know that it' s not me being obsessed with my family!

Reply to Mzaifani

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