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Question
Posted by: miccymommy | 2005/06/30

Family problems between me and boyfriend and his mother

I am 18 years old, I have a daughter (almost 7 months old), I live with my boyfriend in his mother's house because she lives alone.

We get on very well, but from the birth of my daughter my boyfriend has been having problems about who's parents sees our child the most. I have no issues about this and nor do my parents nor his mother. We've been having endless fights about it.

Then there's also the problem that his mother is always sticking her nose into our business and she's always taking my daughter from my boyfriend when he's having trouble in calming her down when she's cranky or sick. I feel that she's spoiling him and not giving him the chance to get to know his own child, nor her needs. She's always taking over, and I feel that he needs to learn to cope on his own.

I was able to stay with her at home for the first 5 months, but I am working now, I leave a lot earlier for work than they do, because I work very far from where we are staying.

I have a good relationship with my soon-to-be mother-in-law,
we always have.
But I really hate it when she interferes, I know she might only be trying to help, and I have talked to her about it. But i feel that she's spoiling him, cause she even changes the dirty daipers, I can't remember when last he's done it himself.

I am looking for other work so that we can afford to go live on our own and make a place for ourselves that I can call home.
But for the time being everything is fine again in the house, but I can't help waiting for and dreading the next blow-up. What can I do? Am I too hard on her? Am I too hard on him?

My boyfriend and I have fought more in the last six months than ever. We never fought before. We've been together almost two years and were best friends before that.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

Given that you have a good relationship with your partner's mother I think it would be a good idea to chat to her again. On this occasion I think it would be important to speak about how you feel it is affecting you and also how you feel it is affecting your relationship with your boyfriend. You also need to speak to him and let him know how you feel. I am sure from your boyfriends point of view its great having his mom around to help - but that does not mean that he should shirk his responsibilities as a father.

I also think that some of these issues will sort themselves out by default when you move into your own place, so its certainly not worth going all-out and having major arguments with everyone around you.

Another consideration is that if your relationship with your boyfriend is struggling then maybe going for couples counselling would help. There are counselling services that offer this service, as do some churches/mosques.

Remember that while there are problems you have a lot of good things in your life, and these strengths can assist in sorting out the problems.

Best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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