Posted by: Shy | 2008/10/17

Family matters

Hi CS,

I' m currently living at home with my mom and my two nieces (ages 4& 2). 1 niece is my sisters kid and the other is mu brothers kid. both of them have moved out but their kids are living with my mom and i. Anyway, i' m 21 and working and studying and i don' t like to be given the responsibilities of looking after and taking care of my nieces. I ddn' t have a choice back then coz i was not working yet and always at home but now i do and my mom and i are constantly fighting about me helping out. i really don' t mind helping her out with the kids but sometimes i just get so fed up and i dont wanna do anything to help out. my nieces go to their parents on weekends so it' s just a 5 days thing. It' s really hurting my mom that sometimes i don' t wanna help out and i don' t like the way things are but i feel that i' ve got no kid and i shudn' t be forced to look after one. Am i being selfish or do i need to just get over it?
Please Help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand your concern. Your brother and sister CHOSE to have kids, and are legally and morally bound to support them and pay for their maintenance --- not you. But in the situation you describe, apart from putting presure on the brother and sister to perhaps contribute to hiring a maid to help care for the kids, isn't the real situation one in which you do or don't help your mother. If she is working, she has a similar problem to yours. If she is not working, she ought to have enough time to do most of the caring for the kids. Maybe your main objection is to the sense of being taken for granted and feeling FORCED to help care for them, rather than to actually helping the kids and your mother occasionally. Talk it through calmly with her, NOT at a time when you've been arguing about this, and make a plan that includes some compromise on both sides.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jooo | 2008/10/17

U areforced to look after those kids while the mothers look nice out there without being bothered by kids?U need to sit ur mom down soo my dear.Its not ur responsibility nor her responsibility.But if for some reasons she chose to look after them,it was her choice and not urs.

Surely u chose not to have kids cause u dnt want such responsibility,so u should not be forced to look aftyer them.

Reply to Jooo
Posted by: Eish | 2008/10/17

You are not selfish at all at your age you don' t need such responsibilities my darling.
Your mom should protect you and send the children to their mothers or if you afford to move out do so

Reply to Eish

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