Posted by: Daph | 2009/07/07

Family influence

I am experiencing a problem that hurts so bad that I can just cry forever. My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs now and our son will be 2 in October. ven before we got married his aunt told him not to marry me and at one stage I called the wedding off only to be persuaded by my family to go ahead. There is no shortage of love on my side but his family' s opinion dictates our life and I think he loves them more than me. He is always at their house and he would take my son from his bed to go to help them with something yet everything at my house needs attention. He is never able or willing to help me with something at our place. We would disciss something and make a decision and then suddenly after a visit to them he would change everything without me knowing. I feel number zero on his list of priorities and am at this stage sure that he just could not care less. He is as a matter of fact on his way to Ermelo now with his uncle merrily chatting and laughing as if our disagreement last night just did not happen. What to do? He is hurting me so very much and I love him so much.

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Our expert says:
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Why were your family so determined that you should marry him, even though you yourself felt concerned that this might not be wise ? If you check back through the forum, we often hear this type of problem, of a man who remains excessively devoted to his broad family rather than to his wife and child. To neglect one's own family and to always favour the birth family over your own, is not appropriate --- and his birth family ought to recognize this and encourage him to focus on his own family, and stop making demands on him.
Is it possible for you, perhaps supported by some family members, to encourage him to join you in marriage counsellin, so he can learn more about how neglectful and hurtful his behaviour is ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jay | 2009/07/07

Hi there. I can imagine how painful it is. My husband and I are now seperated due to his fam (mom) always interfering. Same as yours, we discuss to do things around the house but then when he goes to her he comes back home in his spoilt bratt mood. Luckily we dont have kids but still it hurts so much that we had to part twice in this year after a 4 year marriage. Good luck I feel your pain!

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