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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2005/01/13

Family Holiday Nightmare

I am a regular reader of this forum and hope that you guys could give me advice with my problem. My husband and I have two children, the youngest is three and a half. We have never been on a proper family holiday, just the four of us. We decided that Christmas 2005 would be a special one and we would go for two weeks to a private beach house and relax together. I have little self-esteem and do not like my body, therefore wanted to go just the four of us to a remote location where I could lie in a bikini in private on the beach etc. Also, am not in the mood for my hubby oggling other women in bikinis as he pays no attention to me sexually (maybe the reason for my body image). I was astounded when he invited his friends and their families on holiday with us - he didn't even tell me, his friend brought it up in conversation! I am completely upset, don't want to go anymore and cannot believe that he knows the way that I feel but went against my wishes without even discussing it with me. Am I wrong??? His friends wives are gorgeous and I can't help thinking that that's the reason that he wants them to come along - and he wonders why I am thinking of divorce! Please give me any comments or suggestions - thanks.

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Our expert says:
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I fully agree with Kay --- tell him this is so contrary to what you want and need, that you won't be going, and ask him to cancel it. He should never have invited other people to join the family holiday planned, without discussing it with you, first. If he wont take your feelings into consideration, and refuses to budge, then let's hope he enjoys his holiday alone with them, while you and your child have a quiet and pleasant time somewhere else, on your own.
That said, You both should have communicated more fully and frankly with each other, to be sure you both were aiming at the same holiday. ust as you feel insecure with the other folks around, maybe he feels insecure without them. And as Sue says, you have 11 months in which to see a counsellor and work on your body image, and to join a gym and work on your body. In the end, you might find that you'd enjoy having some others around --- but that needs to be a joint decision.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ABC | 2005/01/13

Hi Anonymous,
If you're unhappy with yourself, nobody will be happy with you.
So see what you need to do to become happy with yourself and start doing it.
He's actually being seriously inconsiderate, but husbands are like that every now and then.
Time for a change... your body, your husband, whatever you need to make YOU happy.
Good luck precious one.

Reply to ABC
Posted by: P | 2005/01/13

Nice to be positive as suggested, and for sure you must do something about your figure IF there is something wrong, and NOT because he is not giving you the necessary attention, but it does soundas if your husband is very selfish not to speak to you first/bored with you since being alone with you and the kids does not sound all that appealing to him.

So there is work to do for both of you, he should learn to respect your opinion.

Reply to P
Posted by: SUE | 2005/01/13

YOU GO GIRL!!!

You are going to blow hubbies mind! Now do us a favour to please start the planning today otherwise other things will creep in and before you know it you havent leave the starting block...

Have a fantastic 2005 yourself !!!

Reply to SUE
Posted by: Anonymous | 2005/01/13

Thank you all for your help - I appreciate all your comments and wish you a fantastic 2005 - the year that I am going to get myself back!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: SUE | 2005/01/13

I'd say half/half yes you feel a litle jealous as they might be in shape etc but you need to have some more confidence in your self too.

Your husband loves you but gwith uys unfortunalty looks do play a role and if can use this year to start looking after yourself get a new hairstyle, make-up and lose weight i can promise you he'll start to noitce you more and more!!!! Its just that when we let our selfs go a bit we feel yucky and those vibes do rub off onto hubbie making him feel not so good either...

If he sees you making an efffert and losing weight - looking good it will do wonders for your marriage and for you own self worth!

Make the most of the situation now maybe you r family can go a few days before everyone else or stay one a few extra days??? and you'll still have family time and by then you'll look great infront of every one too!

Reply to SUE
Posted by: AMY | 2005/01/13

ITs time you show him what you are made of!!!

You've had the babies now get into shape...
Go look at this site weigh-less dot co dot za and check the lady who won slimmer of the year - very very encouraging!!!!

As said above make the most of this year to be a total knock out for yout hubbie - IT IS POSSIBLE!!! i dont mean you have to be a super modle now but looking after yourself ect ect

All the best honey - get that confidence back!

Reply to AMY
Posted by: Anonymous | 2005/01/13

Kay and Sue,
Thank you to both of you for your replies - much appreciated. Sue, I understand where you are coming from but I really don't want to spend two weeks with these people. I think I shall do the sunbed thing and look after myself more so that I feel better anyway. Kay, I think that I will chat to him and see what he thinks although I can't see him budging on it. Am I wrong to feel jealous like I do? Is anybody like minded? All I want is to have a happy family and go on holiday togehter but it feels like he never wants to spend time with me one-on-one - that's why he invited his friends.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: SUE | 2005/01/13

Hey calm down there...

I totalyy understnad he IS WRONG here but you have 11 months to wipp yourslef into shape her too :)

I also have to get my self back into shape and have started going to Taebo classes and started walking as well. What you can also do which isnt too bad is weigh-less thy have amazing results there too.

About a month be going away get yourself some sunbed sessions as one always feels sexier and loooks thinner once tanned and start looking aftr yourself.e.g your hair style clothes ect ect...we ladies sometime get into that comfort zone esp with kids around and forget about our own looks (hair, clothes, weight, make-up) all those are very very important as they make you look good and feel confident (EVEN IF YOU ARENT THIN!!! and thats a promise)

Whats done is done now you have to take the challange and get going girl! You can do this make it more fun than a mission
:)

Reply to SUE
Posted by: Kay | 2005/01/13

Tell your husband how you feel and that its totally unacceptable. Its your family holiday - and thats it. If he doesnt want to change his mind cancel it.

Reply to Kay

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