Posted by: Leigh | 2009/10/01

family games

Why do people, and particularly family members, feel it is necessary to play games.
My sister and I never had a very close relationship but over the past few years things have changed and we had become very good friends. Going on holidays and just generally enjoying each others company. My Mom stayed her and her husband for a long time after my Dad passed away, but when dementia became more and more of a problem, Mom came to stay with me and was eventually put in frail care. Mom passed away last week after suffering very badly in the end.
Now all of a sudden I get the sickly sweet but ice cold treatment. I have asked her repeatedly what the problem is and whats wrong but she says nothing. We used to have long conversations on the phone. Now when I phone if the call lasts 2 minutes its long. I feel terrible about the whole thing, but if she is not going to tell me whats wrong and let us work it out, I can' t do any more. Again I ask, why play games. Surely it is better to sort things out.

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Our expert says:
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Some people play games because they enjoy doing so. Some do so because they have learned to do so and dont have other, more appropriate skills for dealing with the situations in which they play games.
In the situation you describe, it is hard to guess why your sister may be reacting in the way you describe. Maybe she's just handling the loss of your mother in a way that she finds unexpectedly difficult. Maybe she feels guilty that she wasn't able to do more your your mom --- she may well not understand all this herself, and thus may be unable to tell you how she feels and why she does. Give her time, let it rest, and maybe the opportunity to sort things out will arrive later. Kelly's suggestions make sense, too

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/10/02

If I may be frank, your sister is full of sh..t. What she is doing is punishing you for one or other reason that she will not divulge to you. Each time you ask her what the matter is, she gets a high because you are now pandering to her. She knows that by not being straight with you, you are suffering inside and its tearing you up. She is enjoying that. My advice is to withdraw from her. Just stop communicating in a friendly chatty way, and just stick to necessary conversations. Whatever you do, do NOT ask her what the problem is. You will see that she will eventually stop her nonsense and tell you what is bothering her.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/10/01

You must of unknwoingly done something to upset or offend her to be reacting this way.
If she won' t tell you then why not ask her hubby or someone close to her, or email her, maybe she can' t tell you to your face...

Reply to Kelly

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