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Question
Posted by: kelly | 2004/11/09

family feel stressed about sister

My sister is now 23. she and her boyfriend had problems from the beginning.a few months ago things dissapeared at home. like valuable things. my sister digital camera and cds and a lot of other things disapeared. we went on holiday and she and her boyfriend watched our house. when i came back i found dagga in my house. i confronted her and she said that she only took it to relax. i told my parents and they approached her. then afterwards we realise that she took all the things that dissapeared at our houses.
we went to all the cash converters and all our things were there. she gave it in for money.our problem is now that my mother makes as my older sister and me we are 36,38 are wrong.she pretends that my sister never did anything wrong. she is currently going to a rehab every day but keep on saying the drugs is not a problem, she can stop anytime she want and that the she got other problems. our mother is now so overprotective over her. she can do nothing wrong in her eyes. we spoke about the things she took and she said that she is sorry but it is now as if she control my mother by telling her all sad stories. she gave my sisters digital camera to her boyfriend for a birthday present . he did not know that it was my sisters. my sister and i feel that my sister have a big problem and that my mother dont want to realise it. how can we get over this problem as we feel that we are not the same with my mother anymore. the warmth that we had is now gone.we still love our mother but something is just missing now. please help .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's one of the oldest lies in the book, that "I can stop anytime I want to --- I just don't yet want to" line. Anyone who steals from her own family to pay for her drug habit, DOES have a problem, and if she doesnt recognize and admit that, no rehab will ever help her, and she badly needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own actions. She is old enough to be working, and to pay for what she wants, not to steal. Maybe you need to make it very clear to her that if she ever steals anything else from you, you will call the police and have her arrested for theft, and that no sad stories will make you change your mind.
You havent described the situation quite clearly --- if it is your house she is living in, then tell her to leave it, and she can stay with your parents till she gets somewhere of her own. And tell her frankly that having discovered that she is an unrepentant thief and liar, you cannot trust her again, and can't allow her in your home.
If you and she are sharing your parent's home, you urgently need to get a place of your own, and establish the same rules there. You're all adults now, so why should it be up to your mom to decide what to do about the lying little thief ?

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