Our expert says:
Gav, I think she's taking far too much of the blame. Its not "just jealousy " for any young mother to protest when the father continues to behave like a kid, going our partying late into the njight and leaving her alone to care for the kid --- what sort of a father is that ? And this splendid lady paid the rent, fed and housed you, while you, unemployed, studied and took your qualification, and partied ?
And you think it's fine to go to a party right in front of her home, and not invite her, or find a baby-sitter ? OK, she was wrong to get so angry as to break the car wind-screen, but you were treating her incredibly badly, selfishly, and cruelly ! And then you arranged with her family to have her thrown out of the place where she was living, with your child, even though you knew she had nowhere else to go ? You are right to feel ashamed of yourself.
And now she is living in bad conditions ( because of you ) and working to buy you a car, after having paid for you to do your studies, and supporting you all that time ?
Don't allow your families tribal prejudices to spoil this relationship. Maybe you should take her to see a relationship counsellor with you, so you two can try to sort things out. If you love her, it's difficult having a family which disagrees, but this is about the relationship between you two people, not between whole villages or communities.
Your own story suggests that you have been immature and selfish, and very inconsiderate of her. Have you grown up yet, into enough of a man to accept your responsibilities and really be a husband to her and a father to your child ? If so, tell your family not to interfere, apologise to her, explain that you are genuinely grateful for all she has done for you over the years, and see if you can get things right this time. If that is what she wants
GavGavGav's comments are especially worth your re-reading and thinking through carefully. And Bettie makes good sense, too.
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