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Question
Posted by: debi | 2005/07/05

Family

I wish i had a family so we could spend time together on weekends having fun, laughing, sharing or at xmas time or on birthdays. Life is so lonely at times and when i hear about other people making plans for xmas or holidays i am envious. i wish i had a family.

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Our expert says:
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I understand what you feel, debi. Mind you, people who DO have families, often ( check our archives ! ) find them a pain in the neck, and often not the jolly laughing, sharing, supportive group you imagine. Make your own family of friends --- at least friends you get to chose, unlike family. maybe a few sessions of counselling might help you to feel more confident about approaching other people and forming friendships, especially if through your hobbies and interests, you could meet more people who shared your interests,
Maybe part of the problem is contained in one of your responses to other postings --- that you tend to see any activity of you reaching out in a friendly way towards others, as submissive ass-licking. It needn't be that !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

Thats sweet Pop.

Reply to Debi
Posted by: Pop | 2005/07/05

Just asking. Thought if you lived in PE we could hook up. You really sound lonely.

I'm female, not trying to pick you up.

Reply to Pop
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

Glenvista. Why?

Reply to Debi
Posted by: pop | 2005/07/05

Where are u from?

Reply to pop
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

Well i haven't really tried reaching out to anyone 'cos i suppose i have a hard-assed attitude of "why should i lick your ass", maybe i could try and be more open 'cos i just dont like where i am at, at this point in time. I could make a concerted effort to make the first move, I guess. I dont know about my sisters-in-law though - I dont think i could ever be their 'friend' as they have closed me out years ago for no reason whatsoever. But I think i could improve with the people i work with. Thanks guys, I'll let you know.

Reply to Debi
Posted by: KC | 2005/07/05

Maybe just reach out to his family. I mean if he has sisters, they could be yours too.

I dont have older sisters and my fiance's sisters are close. I always imagined we would be great friends, but things dont turn out that that way. I just found out the one had betrayed me when i thought we were getting close.

It also gets more difficult to make friends the older we get. So, just go sit lunch time with someone you think you could gel with. Its not nice to be lonely. I still remeber days at school when i would sit alone on the tarmac, with no one to play with.

Its enough to have childhood memories like thay - we dont want to be sitting alone while we are adults. I agree with Keli - i also used to wait for friends, and it didnt work.

I dont have a million friends, but the handful i do have are reliable and i wouldnt trade them for the world. Just reach out and see what happens.....

Good luck

Reply to KC
Posted by: Keli | 2005/07/05

Its a very sad situation you find yourself in. Its not nice to be lonely. How about getting close to your husbands family... I mean in a way they are your family as well. Also start making friends at work or church (if you go to church). Again isnt there a way of reuniting with your family or other extended family members (aunts, uncles or cousins)?

One thing that I've learnt after being lonely for about 3 years, sometimes, its you that have to take the initiative sometimes. I somehow used to expect people to come to me and make friends with me, but I realised that I cannot expect people to always approach me. I started warming up to people and I must say my life has improved so much. So my advice, try to also take the initiative to get close to people and starting making friends. Good luck!!

Reply to Keli
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

Its a long story Keli. Dad gambled years ago, family fell apart, mom and brother passed away. No more contact. Things will never be the same again.

Reply to Debi
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

No I dont have close friends. I dont even know why. I've always been quite an alone person. Even here at work, everyone has their 'friend' they hang out with but i dont have anyone. I don't feel sorry for myself - i do wish i could have someone to hang out with at lunch time, etc. but my life just hasn't turned out that way. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I am quite an outgoing person though, so i dont know what the problem is. I have 2 kids and a husband but no extended family and his sisters definitely do not take to me. The hurtful part is that I wish they did like me but its the usual bitchy story with woman even though i have never done anything to them to make them dislike me. I get jealous that my husband has a family and i dont.

Reply to Debi
Posted by: Keli | 2005/07/05

Where is ur family!

Reply to Keli
Posted by: Kc | 2005/07/05

No close friends?

Reply to Kc
Posted by: Debi | 2005/07/05

Thanks BabyB - you can be my sister (I presume you are female by your nickname). Ah, life can be such a drag sometimes but it must be nice being able to phone your sister or brother just to say hi. I dont know, that would be quite nice i think.

Reply to Debi
Posted by: BabyB | 2005/07/05

You can be my family!

Reply to BabyB
Posted by: KC | 2005/07/05

Where is your family?

Surround yourself with friends if u dont have family. Spend holidays with them. Some friends are like the brothers and sisters we never had!!

Shame. I really feel for you. I sometimes dont appreciate my family and get really fed up, but i suppose i never considered what my life would be like without them.....

Reply to KC

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