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Question
Posted by: lulu | 2005/07/04

Family!

I really don't like my family much today. I've come to realise that they might be the most selfish bunch imaginable.

Invited my parents and baby sister for lunch on Sunday because it's my birthday. After asking me what's on the menu (which I think was rude to start with), doesn't my mother tell me that my dad will not be happy eating that and that she will bring meat and I can just cook veggies and rice and and and. How rude!

I made it clear that I was actually INVITING THEM, so it should really be up to me to decide what to serve, shouldn't it?? So mom says that she doesn't want to be in the middle of this fight and that I can make whatever I want because they will not be coming over on Sunday anymore.

Sometimes they make me feel like it would have been wonderful being a bird rather. That way, your "family" ceases to exist as soon as your little wings grow feathers and you can fly away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember my old line, about the kid who defined Family, as being people who come to dinner who aren't friends of yours ? That's your story to a T ! Yes, they were being rude and thoughtless. Like Buzz, I always think it's polite for any host.ess to ask guests beforehand if there are things they really don't like to eat, just to be sure. ( Mind you, I find these days that when I'm invited to a formal / business dinner and they ask the same questions, they always ignore the answers, and I'm inevitably fed exactly what I said I didn't want. ) I'd have thought that if your dad has any significant food dislikes, you'd probably know that, anyway, so I wonder what evidence her concern was based upon ?
Anyhow, though we won't be coming round to dinner --- Happy Birthday for Sunday !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2005/07/04

Ek dink die sop-idee is 'n goeie een. Almal kan kies en hoef nie dieselfde te eet nie. Maar dan weer, ek hou van sop.

En dan aan die ander kant - my oudste sussie is die 'miser' in die familie. Ons wil haar nooit uitnooi nie, want dan moet ons vir haar betaal, maar as sy ons nooi, moet ons vir onsself betaal. En as mens wil geld leen (my ma het onlangs) dan verwag sy 'n loan-shark se rente terug. Die ander dag vra sy vir my of ek my naweek bediende vir die Saterdag nodig het. Ek se toe nee - want ek wil in elkgeval my kinders se oppasser as huishoudster terug he en hierdie bediende vra te veel en doen dan amper niks werk nie. Weet jy wat het sy gedoen? Nie eers die bediende betaal nie. Dis mos my bediende - ek moet haar mos betaal. Nou waar is die logika daar?

Reply to Liza
Posted by: lulu | 2005/07/04

Thanks, I feel better now. (o:

Liza, ek verstaan wat jy bedoel waarom julle gevra het, maar my ma-hulle kom gereeld by ons eet en ek doen altyd vreeslik moeite met regte boerekos wat my eerstens 'n fortuin kos om te maak en tweedens spandeer ek gewoonlik die hele tyd in die kombuis terwyl hulle almal lekker kuier. Ek was net vir een keer lus vir iets anders en besluit toe om 4 verskillende soppe en 'n verskeidenheid brode voor te sit. Ten minste kon ek die sop vooraf maak en dan net warm maak voor die tyd. Sou my ook kans gee om te kuier.

Maar ja, jy is reg, mens vat seker meer liberties met familie. Miskien irriteer dit my net soveel omdat ek dit nie self doen nie. Ek eindig altyd op om die een te wees waarmee dit gebeur.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Liza | 2005/07/04

I hope you still have a great b-day! Family can be such a-holes sometimes. I know that I've been one too on occasion. Its like you just take more liberties with family than you would with friends. Like my oldest sister threw my mom her b-day party this year. First question the rest of us siblings (and my mom) ask is - What's on the menu? The problem with my oldest sister is that she's on this low-cholesterol, high-fibre, no-sugar diet. And she doesn't know how to cook. So yes - we were probably rude in asking, but like my mom said - Who wants to spend their birthday eating food they don't like and freezing to death? Just btw, my sister has the coldest house imaginable. Its always freezing inside - which is great in summer since she doesn't need aircon, but winter is a true killer.

At least you can console yourself with the fact that you CAN choose your friends. You can even choose not to invite certain objectionable family members. Everyone has the right to make their own choices - whether its the most dickheaded choice or not.

Happy B-day!

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Cookie | 2005/07/04

Geez, that is so rude. Unfortunatly they are family, and as the old adage goes you can't choose em... It's their loss, you did a perfectly nice thing inviting them over, and its your birthday!

Invite your friends over instead, tell your family they are still welcome to come aswell.

Reply to Cookie
Posted by: Karen | 2005/07/04

Ouch, that was really hurtful and thoughtless.

You don't want to follow the route I took even though it solved all my problems - I refuse to allow any of them in my house.

Sorry, no solution but (I assume your birthday is next Sunday) have a great day with friends and others that love you!

Reply to Karen
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/07/04

You can choose your friends, but sadly not your family. I think your mom was rather inconsiderate to say your dad wouldn't be "happy" to eat what you were offering, but at least she offered to bring something else to make him "happy". I wouldn't worry about it if I was you, they are family after all.

I regularly have dinner parties for my husband's clients and colleagues, and always ask if there's anything they don't eat, don't like, are allergic to etc. It would embarress me if someone didn't eat something, because I should have asked first. With family however, I never ask because I know all their likes and dislikes. Ignore them!!!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Jelly | 2005/07/04

I know how you feel, I have the same problem with mine. Unfortunalty I have yet to find a remedy. If I do I will let you know. ;-)

Reply to Jelly

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