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Question
Posted by: Concerned | 2005/06/13

Family

This is the 3rd time I'm asking for help - please forgive me. Doc, you said in your previous responses that I must let go of all these games my sisters play with me and stop sms'ing and e-mailing them, and I've done just that. A month ago, I chatted on the phone to my sister, but someone arrived and I said I'll phone her back. When I did phone back about 3 minutes later, she never answered and I left a message, and 4 more calls after that which she never answered. I then gave up. Yesterday, I got an invite from her (sms) to come over on Thursday for a braai. I don't want to go because of the way they treat my husband (and me) and my question is, do I just ignore this invitation (like she ignored my 5 calls?) or do I respond saying no thank you? I apologise for coming to you with these petty things, but really don't know how to handle it anymore, since whatever my response is going to be, it will be a trainsmash in their lives again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I haven't noticed anything needing forgiveness yet, Conc !
Well, you could call her back, about the invitation, thank her for the invitation, and explain that you feel uneasy about accepting it, because of the way you feel about how they treat you and your husband, and ask if she has some suggestion about how that could be changed for the better ? Or Flower's suggestion is even more simple and elegant.
And practice more on that "letting go" exercise you began. When you called back and she didn't respond, well, someone else might have turned up or she'd gotten busy with something else. Nomatter --- you could have left it at that, rather than going ahead with the umultiple calls and messages. You don't have to go to the braai, and don't need to explain yourself or feel bad about it.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/06/13

I agree with Flower. You are better mannered than her so either reply on her SMS and thank her but that you are very sorry but you will not be able to attend - do not give a reason - or you can phone her and tell her that you will unfortunately not be able to make it. Don't let them get you down. If you don't want to go, then don't. We must stop doing things just not to cause a uproar or not to hurt other people's feelings. They don't worry about our feelings so why must we worry about how they will feel if we say NO for a change.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: flower | 2005/06/13

I think you should try to keep your name clear and just send a reply back saying thank you for the invite but you and your husband will not be attending. That's it, nothing more, nothing less

Reply to flower

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