Our expert says:
She doesn't sound at all like a friend, just a nosy and competitive acquaintance. And just explain politely that you don't like it when ANYONE just pitches up at your home, and ask them to phone before they come. And when they start gossipping, just say calmly that you don't enjoy talking about people behind their backs, and can they change the subject. Discuss this with your partner to be sure you are both feeling and responding the same way.
Agree on an approach together, and never visit these people, and be unavailable when they want to visit you --- you have absolutely no duty to do what they want.
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