Posted by: Bee | 2005/07/12

Failure already

Dear CS
Hope you are doing much better now.
I am 2 months pregnant. This pregnancy was planned. My husband and I are not kids anymore (36 + 42 yrs). I want to be pregnant but I am ashamed to admit to anyone that I am severely depressed now. I have been scared to admit this in case I am "punished" in some way (sounds crazy I know). I am really struggling at the moment. I think that hormones play a huge part and also the fact that I am not allowed to take any medication for the first three months. But I want to explain that I am not unhappy about being pregnant but can't seem to enjoy it, I know that it doesn't make much sense. I worry about everything that can possibly go wrong, again making it difficult to enjoy anything. I feel ashamed of being this way because this is supposed to be a joyful, exciting time and I can't seem to pull myself out of a slump. I have discussed with my Dr (shrink) who said that he will put me on safe medication after three months. I know that it's not a good idea to take anything but if I have any hope of being a good mother and getting through everything, I am going to need the help of pills and that's a pretty sad thing to admit. I was depressed before falling pregnant and have been for ages since a stomach op last year. Is there any hope for me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Bee,
Well, you recognize that this feeling isn't reasonable or realistic ( about punishment, that is ) --- but if one is prone to Depression, it can arise during the hormonal turmoil of a pregnancy, and then one should see a good psychiatrist for assessment and a consideration of treatment, whether a carefully chosen medication, or CBT psychotherapy, or both. Generally, one finds mood variable during pregnancy, so the present gloom may well not last. Of course there is hope for you, lots and lots of it. Nothing to be ashamed of --- you didnt choose to feel this way. But, through CBT, you could be able to choose NOT to feel this way and think this way.
And with a first pregnancy, of course it's new territory, so often more worrying than when one is experienced at handling this task. As Kay says, don't try to be a superwoman -- what you are will be quite sufficient !
Keep us in the picture as things progress

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kay | 2005/07/12

Dear Bee.

It is not a sad thing to admit that you are struggling with your emotions! Dont ever think that. I've recently had my second child and I did not enjoy the pregnancy at all - but I kept quiet about it and put on a happy face but inside I was miserable. I wish that I had said something about it at the time because I realised afterwards that its quite normal (after a discussion with my gynae) and its nothing to be ashamed of. I would have had a much better time of it if i had been open and honest and not tried to be superwoman.

Please accept that you have no control over the way your body is reacting to the massive changes taking place and if you can get help then grab it with both hands!!!! You will enjoy the prospect of your baby much more and taking a pill every day to help you cope will mean nothing in comparison.

Good luck to you and keep us updated.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Bee | 2005/07/12

I forgot to mention that this is the first time I have been pregnant.

Reply to Bee

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