Posted by: Jess | 2009/07/15

Facebook- do I have reason to be upset?

My boyfriend (we’ ve been together for 7 years) works in a shopping centre so he comes into contact with lots of people. I get a bit insecure because I notice on Facebook he is adding some people that he works with/ regular customers…  however I notice most of them are women. There is one girl in particular that I have my concerns about. This chick is 18 years old (and my boyfriend is 27 years old) and a few months ago she invited him to be her friend on Facebook. And of course you can see when your friends on Facebook become friends with other people so when I saw this  I got upset and asked him to remove her. He did without much argument. Then a few months later, I saw an e-mail from Facebook saying that a certain girl had accepted my boyfriend’ s friend request (I check his email because we get bills on there and he never checks it). So then I got HIGHLY upset and again asked him to remove her. This time he got a bit upset and asked why, what is he going to do with her, etc. But he removed her none the less. Then last month there was an email from Facebook saying she replied to his message and it was a bit of a flirty reply. So I went to his Facebook and I saw the message he sent her and he had asked her to invite him on mxit so they can chat there. So then I REALLY lost it and I asked her what the hell could they have in common and what is he even doing trying to build some friendship with such a young girl. We had a little fight about that and we left it. Now this morning when I am checking for our levy statement I see another email from Facebook saying that she is yet again confirming his friend request. So then I sent him a few messages asking him do my feelings even matter, doesn’ t he even respect me enough to listen to me, etc and he made some excuse about her wanting to see a video of him on there and he can add who he wants, etc. I sent him a message back explaining myself yet again and he called me crazy and told me to shut up. And I told him he’ s an a**hole and he went on to say use’ s just a girl what is he going to do with her and I said to him if she’ s just a girl why is he so desperate to have her on there. So then I told him I’ m tired of him not treating me seriously, etc and he was all apologetic but it has made no difference. And before you think I have it out for this girl, he did the same thing with another girl that he worked with (but now she’ s off permanently because she’ s rude to him) but he would send her messages and again ask her to invite him on mxit and leave wall posts. And he NEVER replies to my messages (in fact most of the time he deletes them without reading them), whenever I phone him at work (maybe one or twice a WEEK) he always answers: “ what do you want” . I don’ t even get a hello. Do I have reason to be upset?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

They both seem oddly persistent in maintaining the Facebook contacts, even knowing that you will discover them --- theyre not bothering to hide, and almost teasing you. Hasn't he perhaps got used to you, and is no longer considering this relationship with you to be anything special ? But talking it out with him, CALMLY, is the onl way to clarify the situation

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jess | 2009/07/16

Thanks for all the comments. I do trust him but he has stupid moments when he doen' t think (which he has admitted to many times and he has come grovelling back on many occasions). I have given him the option to leave many times yet he doesn' t so I expect him to respect my feelings. My boyfriend is a flirt and although I get very angry, I love him and again if he doesn' t want to leave then he must stop his flirting, etc. And he always answers the phone rudely to me- I didn' t phone him at all yesterday. I don' t choose who he can talk to but I do expect him to make compromises etc. Thanks again all! :-)

Reply to Jess
Posted by: Mandy | 2009/07/16

Jess, 1 thing i have learnt is not to choose friends for my bf. If u trust him and believe in your relationship, there is no need for u to be possessive. The more u follow the issue up, the more u push him 2 her and that' s not what u want. The 2 of u once chatted about that issue, believe what he is telling u, he will come around.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: kay | 2009/07/16

But Jess i dont understand your problem with your bf chatting with the girl, wats rong with that? even if shes young, wats rong with that? if it was a gal his age would it make any difference? Why do we ladies like being insecure for nothing? For the fact that your bf doesnt hide it when hes sending her msgs, it means that hes not cheating, and you sound like a possesive person, or is it because of this 7year relationship? The reason when u call he becomes all rude with you, its cause u are a pain, what gives u the right to choose for him who he should chat with? huh? Get a life woman! im being realistic dear.

Reply to kay
Posted by: Jane | 2009/07/16

If you trust him, then surely its ok for him to have a friend, even if she is a girl, If you dont trust him, then why are you with him?

Reply to Jane
Posted by: JA | 2009/07/16

7 year itch?!?!?

Reply to JA
Posted by: Ing | 2009/07/15

um.. YES!

He should be respecting ur feelings
pffT ... sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. he needs to make his mind up and stop treating u like u mean nothing. only thing left is to talk to him.
good luck honey.

Reply to Ing

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