Posted by: (",) | 2004/11/17


I have to face my ex's girlfriend for the first time since we've been divorced (17 months ago). We can't stand one another. How do I go about handling this? (He is still very attracted to me, which she knows). But I'll never be able to take him back after things he's done and the person he's become, eventhough I do still have feelings for him. I am scared of how I'll react when I see them together and I'm scared she goes out of her way to be all over him throughout the day. My daughter (8) will also be there, and she is not very happy that her dad's taking his girlfriend. She reacons he should know that it will hurt me and needn't take her with. Please tell me how one becomes strong from within, in three days... I am stressed beyond limits...

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Our expert says:
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(",), Is this a message from the Artist Formerly Known as Prince ? The nickname looks familiar !
Surely, though you don't need to like her, you shouldn't, after all your experience in life, have too much difficulty in simply being polite to her ? And remember, that being polite may disappoint her if she's looking for conflict, and gives him and her no excuse to think the less of you ; while being aggressive is no use at all.
So, you expect her to somewhat rub your nose in the new relationship by climbing all over him ? Well, expect it, so if it happens, it can't upset you, as you can simply say to yourself, "well, there's what expected --- and she's hoping this'll upset me, and I won't allow that to happen, so all her efforts will be wasted. "
You will be strong enough to manage this, and after this first encounter, any further encounters, if they happen, won't have this power to fluster you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: (",) | 2004/11/18

NO PROBLEM Mona ! ! ! I don't take negative advice as negative... I take it and turn it around to be positive... So, no need to worry girl... and Thank you very much!

Reply to (",)
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/18

Sorry if i came accross crude and heartless, best of luck for Saturday!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: (",) | 2004/11/18

Good morning ALL you great people out there... you have given me the ammo to go to this function on Saturday with great selfasteem... I had my hair done last night... my nails today... and to spoil myself a great new outfit... I feel I can take on the world... because of GREAT people like you out there that's been there and has given me your advice... JJGC, you are the best... Jemma... what can I say girl except for thank you and even Mona... thanks... ALL your advice has been taken to heart and today and tomorrow can't go by sooner... I know my ex's girlfriend (they work together - surprise, surprise) And she's NO match for me... even my daughter said to me last night, "Mommy, but you are so much more beautiful than her, and so much more a lady." And I actualy know that, because my ex has told me over and over before that NO woman does for him what I do... even if it's only physical... I DO have the power over her. So, bring on Saturday ! ! !

Thank you all! ! ! You're all great people... I appreciate every single bit of advice...

My stress levels are way within the "green" level again!


Reply to (",)
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/17

You don't need to play games with your ex and his g/f. Just be yourself and don't let any other woman intimidate you.

Do you have to meet her face to face? If you can - get out of situations you are forced into and which is not to your liking.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: NLM | 2004/11/17

The advice given by jemma, JJGC is excellent. Please take their advice, but i would like to emphisize something====that is a fact that you would have been under discussion by your X and his g/f and things said will never ever be positive, because the g/f would not understand why you got divorced if positive things are said===you understand that??

So, even if your blood pressure goes through the roof, your heart pumps at 180, your feet feel like jelly, OR WHAT EVER, you must NEVER EVER allow them to see that. All they need to see is this HAPPY, SMILING, AWSOME doll with the inner strenghth of a LION. If you at any stage feel the circumstances are getting you down, go to the toilet, have a good cry, fix up your make-up and go out smiling.==DO YOU HEAR ???

Strongs and give it your best shot.

Reply to NLM
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/17

hi there

oh how clearly i remember the day i met my ex's new lady - it was probably one of the worse days of my life

but listen to jemmas advice girl

keep reminding yourself that you have the power , he'll come running the moment you snap your fingers, you are also the stronger one since you don't need to have a tagg along to make you feel like someone

you'll have the upper hand if you act polite and friendly and acknowledge her as part of your extented family

i won the new lady over that way, not that i trust anyone of them but even if she doesn't like me she has no reason to hate me, for my kids sake i had to act wisely and win her over

keep us posted


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/17

I get on well with my ex's new g/f. No threat on his side or mine for their relationship, and I think she knows this.

Husband's ex is another story though... I don't like her and she hates me. My insecurities play a role here, because she insists on having a "friendship" with my husband. I feel she had her chance and she must back off and give me mine. We don't fight anymore, but we ignore each other completely. I told her to her face that she no longer exists as far as I'm concerned so I won't be upset by nothing.

All I can say is GOOD LUCK! The advice given so far sound good to me.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

GG, touchy touchy, who peed on your battery!? This site is not for making ex's jealous, its for sorting out serious problems, maybe you should tell us yours, sounds like you need some help!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: GG | 2004/11/17

Oh shut up Mona! Please join another forum - preferably one where no advise is needed cause you're obviously not very good with this "giving advise" thing.

Jemma, JJGC - excellent advise!! I REALLY hope that (",) will follow it!!

(",) go knock 'em out girl!!!!!!!!

Reply to GG
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Yip Jemma, been there done that, i'm divorced and get on well with my ex's new girlfriend, maybe because i have absolutly no feelings for him.... he killed them all with the things he has done. Married to a man thats been married 3 times before me, so i have 3 ex wives to contend with there... so yes, when it comes to ex's i think i know it all.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/11/17

Mona, you have not been through a divorce or serious break-up have you?

It does not mean that she is jealous of this girl but for some reason that is just how you feel and you would like to show your ex and his girlfriend that they don't bother you at all. (",) said that the ex is still not over her but still she feels that she wants to make sure that they don't think that it's her that is still not over him. I don't know why but that is how our heads work. Pehaps thats why we visit this site. Perhaps we, the ones that feels this way, are all crazy - although I think this is very normal to feel this way and to be afraid to see them together.

(",), good luck and as I said before, don't let them get to you.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Sounds like you are very jealous of this girl, move on, you are divorced, divorced means your ex (and you) can date whom ever they want. Get yourself a sexy hunk date and hang all over him!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: JJGC | 2004/11/17

When I read the subject line to this I was horrified! I got goosebumps. I know exactly the fear and the gut wrenching torture just thinking about this. Ok, here goes.
Jemma is sooooo on the right track. No-one must ever know what hurts / bothers you most because then they use it and go for the kill everytime!!!!!
What you need to do is visualise yourself as cool and calm and.... smiling. Yes as much as possible. Smile. Go live in fantasy land for a while and see yourself acting suave, sexy, nonchalant - simply a sexy sublime figure. And turn your ex husband into an aquaintance that you've seen around every now and then. Be completely blase and act happy - like there's soemthing in your life that has totally changed you and brought out the sexy goddess in you - but you're not telling.
This, my darling, will drive her NUTS. What are you getting that she's not?!?! Hm, that will make her so unhappy and quizzical... and wondering and questioning and.... WORRIED.
You have to keep this up, at times it's going to be hard, but keep doing it. Think of your main objective. Make her nuts, and MORE importantly, make you look like a gorgeous vixen out from her shell.
You do not need to do mini's and cleavage - it's not sluttish, it's sublime. Dress for the occassion like a lady, and the attitude : an elegant and mysteriously sexy aura must surround you.
And you know what helps the best, breathe. Take deep breaths and if it really gets overwhelming, ELEGANTLY excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or somethign and breathe deeply 10 times - slowly, deeply. It's amazing how calm it will make you and think only ONE thing : I AM THE BEST and I am showing it elegantly. I have nothing to worry about, uh uh, but... ooh she does. And she doesn't even know what it is.
Be content and ooze that sexy attitude like there's no tomorrow, remember his an aquaintance - that's all. And she's his desperate tag-a-long girlfriend... what doesn't she trust the 2 of you alone...? he he wicked, use it.
And another important aspect is that you will be showing to your daughter how an elegantly sexy LADY handles herself. Show them class, girl, and blow them away with it!!!

Oh, now this is going to turn into fun!!!!
Good luck gorgeous, good luck!!!

Reply to JJGC
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/11/17

I suppose this thing you are going to is something to do with your daughter's school. Unfortunately there will always be these gatherings which you can do nothing about.

Don't let them get you down. DO NOT let her see that she's upsetting you by being all over your husband the whole time. Be very friendly (easy to say. As soon as I have to talk to my husband's ex, my lip begins to shiver and my mouth goes dry) and very professional. Do not sit next to them. Be on your own and stand and sit far from them. Do not look their way ever. That will freak the girlfriend out completely because she will realise that you don't get intimidated by her.

I feel sorry for you because I am in a similar posisiton. Only dif is that I'm the new wife and the ex-wife really make things very difficult for me. But I have decided that she does not have the right to upset me. She's nothing in my life so why must I let her upset me?

Good luck and let us know how it went.

Reply to Jemma

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