Our expert says:
I'm feeling reasonably well today, thanks ! And let me start by saying that I listen to ALL my readers, and I recognize that while I myself find your postings interesting and often helpful, and popular with significant numbers of our readers, there are some who don't appreciate them, which is just fine --- but then, Hof T and CPM, the idea is to Click off BEFORE you read the posting that you know you won't like --- not to read it through and then ostentatiously click off, sometimes several times, during the thread of the conversation. That's rude, and also reminds mwe of that old lady on the top of the wardrobe with the binoculars !
Dude, you obviously will HAVE to talk this through with the boy, and it won't be easy. I like your idea of talking this through with your mom and dad, as they have even more wisdom and experience. I like too the idea of starting a bit more generally to make it clear you're interested in him as a mini-dude, and in whatever else is happening in his life, not merely in scolding him for doing wrong and then lying about it. The panties were surely not intended to be sold at the local craft market, so this probably raises sexual issues, which he will feel mortified to have to discuss. But probably easier with a cool uncle than with his own parents.
A hiding isn't appropriate and will achieve nothing, as you know. When you get round to thinking about punishment and penalties, maybe he needs to apologise to the made and to your lady --- that would probably be something he'll learn more from, and find much more embarrassing than any hiding.
You'll probably want to claify to yourself your aims in this conversation. For instance, you may want him to recognize that while having fantasies is OK, but acting on them is often NOT OK, and NEVER OK when this involves someone else who has not consented.
And of course your own feelings are relevant --- it is angering to be lied to by a kid you have always taken the trouble to respect and to be straight with --- and maybe that's one of the things worth saying to him.
Try your own conversation first, but taking him to a child shrink, as your mom suggests, may be a good idea, for a fuller exploration of the issues --- but this should be done so the shrink sessions doesn't come across as a punishment.
Finally, up and running ? Well, up and limping, bu that represents an improvement !
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