Posted by: Apache_boy | 2008/07/31

Extremely scared


I am totally scared well, you know what i wanted to put in there, i have made a decision to talk to my parents this weekend about my sexuality, well basically to come out... its something that i have posted about previously and you know that i have been strugling with it for a while, especially when my parents ask me if i am gay or not... so now i have decided to stop living a lie... i am just scared that something will happen to my parents, because i know what my mothers reaction will be, i know how to handle her, but even if it means losing my family, which is sure to happen, than living a lie anymore...

Wish me luck and i will be back here over the weekend to tell you how it went...

Love and hugs

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi as always Apache_Boy and thanks for posting.

If I recall correctly your mother already suspects that you may be gay but she's quite anti, right? Sometimes it can be more intimidating coming out to both parents, so you may want to choose to have that chat with your dad first, before you tell your mom. If they say that you need to go see a therapist, I suggest you go along with this as opposed to engaging them in an argument - what happens is that the therapist very quickly declares you OK but then focuses on helping your parents accept the fact that they have a gay son. Don't resist if they want you to see a shrink, it'll simply make things easier for you.

Good luck mister and please keep us posted.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ferny | 2008/08/01

Dear Apache_Boy,

I am sending you the BIGGEST hug in the world and want to say I am very proud of you!!


You are scared, and that is perfectly natural. This is your family &  of course you want their love &  acceptance. You are worried that something might happen to your parents &  thast is the sign of a good son. BUT now is the time to worry about YOU, it is your life &  your decision to be open &  honest about being gay is admirable. As you have in the past, you will get through this &  come out of it a stronger person.

Just don' t panic at your parents'  reaction, they themselves may overreact to begin with, but give them time &  hopefully they will settle down &  slowly come to the realisation that you are still you !!

Please let us know asap how you' re doing over the weekend.

Love &  hugs - Ferny :-)

Reply to Ferny
Posted by: Tiara | 2008/07/31

Good luck to you A-B, please just let us know how it went?

Reply to Tiara
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/07/31


It is easy-peezy … .

You go to them and say “ Hi guys, I am gay … … … . “ 

I know, I know, I KNOW, easier said then done BUT … .

What else do you have to say, how else can you say it and the more you sit and make yourself sick about it, the more you convince yourself of the worst case scenario.

As parents, they KNOW more then you give them credit for and just perhaps you will be shocked at their reaction being not near as bad as you think it will be.

On the other hand, telling them now is not going to be any easier then telling them a year from now, the longer you wait the further you in fact live from them. The longer you deprive yourself and them of SHARING your life, your dreams and love with them.

If they don’ t accept what can they do? Scream you into converting or suddenly becoming straight, I don’ t think so. Tears, there could be tears and there is nothing wrong with that either so cry along, embrace and make them realize that you have suffered enough and need them beyond their own believe to support you in this.

IF you feel like not being “ safe”  telling them at home, stick them to a restaurant or a coffee shop at least then they cannot freak out and by the time they get home the worst “ shock”  is over … . (just a thought)

As it may, go A_B and get it over with and then stand ready to deal with the consequence as they HAPPEN not as YOU THINK they will happen … 

Good Luck and keep us informed


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Apache_boy | 2008/07/31

Thanks Johno and Mary

Johno, i have moved out of the house in January when i moved to joburg and i am not dependant on them at all financialy.

I do hope they understand... i cant seem to concetrate at work today, since i made the decision yesterday, its been running through my mind the whole time. My only question is now how do i start the subject? Or do i wait until sunday before coming back to joburg to tell them, avoiding a fight and giving time to think?


Reply to Apache_boy
Posted by: Mary | 2008/07/31

Good luck. They may be shocked to begin with but I am sure they will come around, just give them a bit of time.

If they have asked you if you are gay or not they probably have their suspicions anyway so it may not come as too much of a surprise to them.

Try not to get into an argument with them as things might be said that cannot be taken back.

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Jonathan | 2008/07/31

Good luck, Apache_boy! Erm... You don' t still stay with your parents, do you? Just asking as it might complicate matters when you " come out" ...


Reply to Jonathan

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