Posted by: Laura | 2008/12/17

Extremely Hurt

Good day
I' m writind this post literally crying, tears are falling on my keyboard.

I' m a married 30 year old with a 4 year ld son, i have two brothers (one at at varsity) and one sisterwho is also at varsity.
I pay their tuition, rent (for sister) and pocket money.

On Monday,my mom informed me that my sister, who is 21 years is PREGNANT, i still don' t believe it, i just cried it' s now two days, i can' t eat, i can' t do anything other than crying.

I am angry, dissapointed and hurt. Haven' t talked to her ( doubt i will ever do that again) I have sacrificed so much trying to give her a good education.

My right side ( from my forehead to the shoulder) is NUMB.

Mom says we must just accept it and move on, but i just can' t.

Excuse all the spelling and gramma i have a terrible headache

Please advise CS and forumites,

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Our expert says:
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I understand how very upsetting this is for you, but it is your foolish and careless sister who is pregnant, not you. I think part of the problem is that YOU sacrificed for her to go to university, and she wasn't even prepared to make the relatively trivial sacrifice of postponing her sex life, or at least of taking simple contraceptive precautions. People don't appreciate what they get for nothing ; they don't appreciate other people's sacrifices made for them.
I disagree with your mom that one should simply accept such events and "move on" as though nothing has happened --- people must learn lessons from the mistakes they make, or they will repeat them. And your sister must recognize what she has done wrong, both as regards the child who may have a much dminished life than had your sister waioted until she could aford to raise a child well. It makes no sense ( and is indeed part of what is going wrong with our ccountry ) that we have gone so far beyond compassion, and actively reward people for being foolish, thoughtless and selfish.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lura | 2008/12/18

Dear Me

I never sad i won' t support her, but i wanted to know how to deal with the disssapointment, hurt and anger i have inside.

I want to talk to her when i have calmed down, one thing i' ll do is to support her.

Thanx CS for the response


Reply to Lura
Posted by: Um | 2008/12/18

I agree with CS, selfish people. I have met a lot of them.

I understand why you are upset, I also have a younger sister and would be furious if she fell pregnant. She' s only 19 and will definitely not cope. I' m 6 months pregnant at the moment and it' s tough, even with a husband and being a ripe age. But in the end it' s still family. I' m not saying you should bail her out once again, but support her in fruitful ways. Tell her about motherhood, give advise etc. If times get tough then you can step back and let her handle it. You must be someone with strong morals, but a soft heart. That does not mean you have to support in every way, you are allowed to take a step back without feeling guilty and feeling as if you' re turning your back on your family. Also, you have your own family and they need you.

Reply to Um
Posted by: Lientjie | 2008/12/18

Exactly CS, i agree with you.

Me ,were you congratulated when you got your child at 16?

You are one of the people CS is talking about.


Reply to Lientjie
Posted by: Me | 2008/12/17

Everybody make mistakes. She needs your support right now, don' t be selfish

Reply to Me
Posted by: Jane | 2008/12/17

Was she trying to get pregnant? Does she have a serious boyfriend? Accidents happen, and theres nothing one can do about it. Condoms break, pill' s dont always work, and babies come out holding the Copper T in their hands.

Imagine how she is feeling, she is going to have to give up her studies and find a job to be able to support the baby. Its not the end of the world, and girls do it at 16, 21 really isnt that young. You have to speak to her, and dont be angry with her, I' m sure you must know someone who also accidentaly fell pregnant somewhere along the line.

Reply to Jane
Posted by: Laura | 2008/12/17

To be honest with you, i do feel like it' s the end of the world or i' m going to wake up from this nightmare.

As i have mentioned in my post i haven' t talked to her since i was told by my mom.
I' m the only person responsible for them, now i have to take care of the baby again? I feel like she didn' t appreciate all that i' ve been doing for her.

I really don' t know what to say or do, and yes she wants to study and she' ll be doing her final year next year.


Reply to Laura
Posted by: Anon-a-mousie | 2008/12/17

Why do you feel that this is the end of the world?

Does all this help at all?

I went through the same a year ago exactly. When my baby sister told us she' d broken up with her b/f we were so glad and two weeks later she found out she was pregnant.

We were devastated. Today I am the proud Godmother to her beautiful daughter, I love her like she' s mine. We' ve all helped and done what we can. She tries to be and is a good mother and has gone on with her life.

Does your sister want to study? or is she purely doing it for you? Have you ever really sat down with her and talked about what SHE wants?

Dry your tears, they don' t help anybody in anycase and phone your sister and arrange to meet her. Talk to her about your worries and concerns. Can you imagine what she must be going thro right now?

Life is precious and there are also many other options to consider should you both deceide that this child is not wanted.

All of the best.

Reply to Anon-a-mousie

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