Our expert says:
Isn't it likely that he felt the sick chiold was primarily a concern to himself and the child's mother ( and, of course, the child, and who the child would have wanted around ) ? And surely your own experience has been similar, when you take a child to a specialist / hospital, it takes ages, most of which is spent waiting. The test in a case like this would probably have included an EEG, which takes quite a time ro perform thoroughly, and then takes quite a time for the right specialist to have the time to read the great lengths of paper it produes, to interpret the results, and then discuss these with the parents. 10.30 to 4 sounds about routine. During that time one is waiting, anxious, bored, irritable, but there really is NOTHING to report to anyone else.
Was it really an issue of him expecting you to be available at the click o a finger, or that he was only free to contact you when outside the doctor's office and with some actual news, at 4, when you were sulking and didn't want to speak to him ? IF they had a short break to have breakfast, that would have been at a time when there was absolutely no news to give you.
I'm troubled that you seem to have turned this whole episode in which the parents must have been very worried about the child, into something about YOU.
You seem to fel as though the child is a rival to you. When you form a relationship with someone who has a child, it is inevitable, unless they are a careless and uncaring person, that they will keep a bond with the child, and, in relation to the child, with that child's other parent. If you can't accept that, don't form a relationship with anoyone with a child.
Sorry, but I do think you are being over-sensitive, and maybe this reflects a more important fact, that you don't feel confident and secure in this relationship. And these reactions you had won't have helped to make things more secure.
Yes, it would have been wise for them to have taken the time to share with you whatever the doctolf them about how to care for the child - though often parents are so anxious that they don't remember most of the details discussed then, which is why I like the doc to give them all the important information also in writing.
If you want a relationship with someone who has a child, accept the child and be happy to share care for it, or find someone else.
OK, again, when you refer to him being too drunk or hungover to properl;y care for his child, that's very unfortunate. And needs to be dealt with in its own right - its an issue of problem drinking, and possibly of relative neglect of a child.
If he is relying on you not to share care, but to carry most of the burden while he gets drunk, that's irresponsible and unacceptable.
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