Posted by: Lolo | 2009/12/21

Ex want to see us again.


i need your advice, i broke up with my ex after serious abuse and now after two years want to see us, i met someone and we are engaged and happy.(want to have a child anytime)

should i allow my ex to see his child? ever since we broke up he never paid any maintanace for the child even just to buy cheap clothing for her but now that is December he remember us.

i don' t know what to do, part of me say i must ask my child if she will be interested in seing him another part say forget about him as he does not care.

but my fiance also has a child (boy 6) and he visit every December, so you know how children can be when they are together, yesterday they were just having a little argument the other said he is note really your father and mine (girl 4) said she is not really your mother.

i really don' t want to see my ex but at the same time i don' t want to punish my child sometime she feel otherwise especially when my step son tell her he is not her real father(step father). Should i meeti him or not???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Lolo,

Your child has the right to see her father and her father has a right to see her. However, you mention serious abuse and this would need to be addressed. Was it physical abuse? and did he abuse his child as well? According to the extent of the abuse it may be required that he has supervised visitation but under the circumstances do you want to confuse your daughter about who her father is. Whether he takes responsibility or not for her and whether he is consistent or not he is her father and 50% of her biology and identity. As she grows she will be able to make up her own mind about her relationship with him but if you deny her father you are inevitably condemning that part of her. It's great if she has a role model she can look up to, but keep both relationship clear and separate. You are obviously the unconditionally caring parent and you will have to brave a challenge with her father wanting to be part of her life, but rather be grateful for that. Engage in this possibility as a possible long term plan and exploring a civil co-parenting relationship will be best for all the parties concerned. You may want to explore some co-parenting coaching to help you into this new role.

Warmest wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: GT | 2009/12/21

He has the right to see his child unless the court say otherwise.
If you withhold the child and he goes to court you can be in serious trouble.
Sometimes it takes a fair amount of time to realise in what you have lost.
Keep your nose clean and do what is for the best interest of the child

Reply to GT

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