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Question
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/01

Ex or current boyfiend????Please help

I was with my ex boyfriend for four years and we had an extremely rough relationship. We fought alot of obstacles and always managed to get through it. however in those four years he cheated on me more than once and we went through stages where he would treat me extremely badly, in terms of mental abuse and once turned physical. He has changed alot and as have I and we both go to church etc etc... We have decided to stay friends but the problem is that I still love him and he says he still loves me but *I have a boyfriend who is amazing, there are very few men like this left and he is going out with one of the girls he cheated on me wilth!
But I am confused he tells me how much he loves and misses me but why is he staying with her and he knows how it upsets me. I have told my boyfriend that we need to cool it off a bit cause I am confused I don'y know if I should take my ex back and try again or if I should walk away. I feel like such a failure that I couldnt make it work, things were going so well between us in the last few months but I was tired and didn't want to keep trying. I feel as though I let him down and that I should have tried harder.
WHAT DO I DO?

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Our expert says:
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good replies all round

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Our users say:
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Thanks for all your replies, thanks for the great advise shaun! The plot thickens. My ex phoned me last night cuase his current is not speaking to him and he wants to go for coffee????? Now I am convenient cause she's not speaking to me! I really need some space from both of them. My current boyfriend is fighting with me about who has done the dishes! I mean come on they are dishes...

Reply to Seh
Posted by: BC | 2004/11/01

Stop abusing yourself.

Reply to BC
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/01

Men do that as soon as they see you're with another guy and it's working out they want you back... then when they get you back the treat you like sh*t again and then you break up with them and as soon as you meet another good guy alllll over again...

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Pat | 2004/11/01


Its quite obvious that he wants his cake and eat it.! How could you possibly go back to a man that cheated on you when you have a really cool one now? Once a cheat always a cheat! DOnt let him manipulate you. He will never stop seeing the girl his with now!

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/01

stick with the one you have... cos the one you had just wants to cheat on his gf with you.... like what he did to you. that leopard hasn't changed his spots and please don't buy his lies.
a guy who professes his love for someone while he is with someone else, has to be really shady.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: Mooh | 2004/11/01

I dont believe what I am reading !!!! You feel like a failure. Sweety you are not the one who cheated. Sweeaty he was abusive mentally as well as physically be it once or 500 times.his wrong for you so let the guilt go you deserve better. I know most people might say it is easier said than done well i have done it I let a man who was verbal abuse towards me and I know one day he will remember and he will have a bitter sweet taste in his life. So my point is he didnot appreciate you when you were with him what makes you think he will change. I mean just follow what the older people say to you a leopard can never loss its spots so start applying what you know. And be stong

Reply to Mooh
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi Seh,

I think it was a good idea to take a break for a while, but make sure you use this time constructively.

You said it yourself, you don't know if you can trust him, but ja, sometimes love is confusing thing. It is coz of this that I would advise that you try thinking with your head & not your heart. Also, consider that coz of the long time you've been with the ex, maybe you just feel attached to him, like it's so much easy coz you think he knows/understands so much about you. Remember, you gave him time to learn all these things about you, so the new guy would also need time to get to know you.

I would suggest you thoroughly question the ex's intentions, as I would think that if he really did care for you, he wouldn't be with another girl at the moment. It seems like he wants to "have his cake & eat it to"... but these are just my thoughts on the subject.

Please know that if you feel you cannot objectively come to a favourable decision, then you should seek out professional assistance in that your shrink helps you out inworking through this. Trust is very fragile. Easily broken & very hard to mend.

Good luck Seh,
Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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