Posted by: Scooter | 2008/11/25

Ex - need closure


I dated my ex for 6 years from the age of 20 till 26 or so. We had a relationship that was hard work - we did love one another but our logic codes seemed to be on different levels and therefore we often fought. I was constantly feeling like I was bending over backwards to please her and she didn' t appreciate that. She was super demanding and being young, I mistakenly believed that loving someone meant giving them what they want all the time. We did the usual breaking up and getting back together but towards the end, things seemed better.

Then we seemed to be in a bit of a rut and eventually my ex asked for a " time out"  to sort her head out. I granted her her wish because I too wasn' t too sure of our relationship. But after about 4 weeks, I decided to move on with my life. I was miserable wondering if we were still together or not and thoughts of her dating other people (I don' t know if she did or not) were driving me mad! So I decided to move on and I am SOOO glad I did. Soon thereafter I met my current wife and we are really happy together.

I don' t think of my ex too often but recently some issues with my parent' s made me think about her again and I realized I am still pretty mad with my ex. She treated me with contempt after me giving her all I had for 6 years. I feel like we never had a full on discussion to " clear the air"  and give me closure - we simply faded away. I am not at all interested in getting together with her again - I think I had a very lucky escape actually. But I feel like I want to let her know that she treated me badly and that she was out of line for not appreciating what I went through to make her happy only to be basically dumped at the end.

At the same time I think I shouldn' t give her the satisfaction but how do I clear the simmering anger I have towards her in a constructive manner?

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Our expert says:
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WHy not write her a letter, describing in detail your anger and fury --- but never send it to her, and burn it when you're finihsed ? In that way, get all the anger out and in print --- and then in smoke. Actually sending her such a letter won't acheieve anything useful, and even saying it to her will probably not help you find closure.
Then move on, congratulating yourself on managing to leave her behind.

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