Our expert says:
From your message, it's clear that you did not only all you could do, but much more than most people would have done, for him. It doesn't sound as though he did all he could and should have done to save himself, and that was primarily his own responsibility.
Anyone may become depressed, but drug use inevitably makes one's brain as well as one's social situation, worse ; and having affairs and children out of wedlock, helps nobody and is so unfair to the child.
Its kind of you to try to help, but the central problem is that he seems to be taking no proper responsibility for his own bad behaviour and bad choices, and you cannot do that for him - indeed, by doing too much you could even discourage him from doing what he needs to do to help himself.
What he has chosen to do ( depression does not compel someone to be promiscuous, for instance, or to take drugs ) has been unkind to his existing children and the one to come, and the woman he has made pregnant, and to you.
There is no demon involved - an illness, complicated by a lot of bad and selfish behaviour, and which can respond well to proper treatment IF it has his full cooperatiopn with his shrink.
If he is taking IV drug injections while in hospital, he is deliberately subverting the treatment he is supposed to be receiving - and effectively doing it in front of his children is outrageously irresponsible.
Addicion is difficult to deal with but does not force him to do such things.
It is absolutely true that you cannot save him - ONLY he himself can save him, and placing the responsibility on you is irresponsible and a way of continuing to evade responsibility for his choices. And a way of blackmailing you back into caring for him.
Remind his family of this fact. Trying to hard to help him will only make i easier for him to continue to indulge himself and to avoid doing what he needs to do to have any chance of getting better. Does his shrink and the hospital know he is continuing to take fixes while in the hospital ?
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