Posted by: SHAZ | 2009/08/24



I have had it. He has been supporting her for almost 3 years because she is too lazy to get a job. He gives her R3000 maintenance for his daughter and the mother lives off it. She even uses her daughter' s pocket money for petrol. I work and I have to contribute to the household and our daughter. Their oldest daughter lived with us for 3 years and I did everything for her and made sure she had everything she needed. Matric Farewell, 18th birthday party and her current career are all thanks to me. Her mother did nothing. Is this fair to me. Why should I contribute to monthly accounts when she gets away with not paying anything. They have been divorced for almost 7 years and she moved to Cape Town to start her life over but has no ambition and makes excuses when my fiance asks her about her job hunting. What are my rights.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Shaz,
I hear your frustration, and rightfully so, however one has to look at the initial divorce agreement. I would guess that once the child is an adult, there is no maintenance to be paid anymore. Your fiance and yourself should relook what was legally agreed upon and amend the current arrangements.
It is hard to believe how one lives of R 3000 these days. Surely she must have other resources. Since the daughter is now 18 and if you both wish/agree to still help the daughter out, the money could be paid to the daughter and not to the mother anymore.
Any further legalities should be addressed with a legal person who could have a look a the original divorce agreement.

I hope this helps.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Same Situation | 2009/10/01

Shaz Firstly I think you are getting too invloved in the affairs of the ex-wife-who she eats with or where has nothing to do with you. The arrangement between your partner nad his ex-wife also has nothing to do with you- The fact that you are R200 in the red on your budget -is that worth the life and love and family warmth you have with your partner-I hope not because if it is then - divorce and the R200 will be equally split between both you and him.

Reply to Same Situation
Posted by: Anon | 2009/08/25

Well I think you had better accept it. My ex has to pay me maintenance of 6000.00 per month plus 10% increase yearly for the rest of his life he has been paying this every since we got divorced 5 years ago. I have a career but this was agreed on at the time of our divorce. Above this he pays for our son this will stop once he is self supporting which should will be in 4 years time if all goes well with his studies. He has remarried and his wife supports this agreement.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: shaz | 2009/08/25

The other daughter lives with her mother - she is 11. The 18 year old has a job and can support herself with the help from her father and me. The mother has no other income and eats out at friends. 3 years ago she took a transfer from JHB to CT - she was a prison warden. She did not like the prison she was transferred to so my fiance told her to resign and put her pension payout into his business and he would give her interest on it each month. I told him not to do that because we will never get rid of her. The deal was that she was supposed to still get another job. The divorce settlement was to buy her a car and maintenance for the kids. It hasn' t been an easy 7 years and I am getting to the end of my patience. I have done my budget and even though he gives me R3000 towards the household bills I still come out -R200. I can' t even buy our daughter clothes or treat myself to a manicure. I have decided that the longer he supports his stay at home ex wife the more money he will have to give me each month. I am not going to carry on suffering like this. Or I can leave him and finally be rid of his ex parasite. I have even started taking mild tranquilisers to cope because he is not the easiest person to talk to and has no patience and gets irritated quickly.

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