Posted by: hurt | 2007/02/20

ex girlfrreind uses guilt to keep him le

I met this guy and fell in love with him, 6 months into the relationship I find out that he has been previously engaged.Things didnt work out btwn him and the other women so they had decided to take a break.We met during this time and he never spoke of her.Ever since she found out that he has someone new in his life she has tried evrything to win him back.She has been calling me and begging me to leave him alone saying that im not giving their relationship a chance.Im 10 yrs youngr than him so she keeps planting these thoughts in his mind that he is going through some sorta mid life crisis wanting a younger woman.His age has never been an issue 4 me.I Iove him,but we keep arguing cos she keeps calling him.He says that im the one he wants to be with and she doesnt accept that.She tries to make him feel guilty about leaving her because she has no family,he does care 4 her cos they have been 2gether 4 a couple of yrs & doesnt want to hurt her,but he is no longer in love with her.he feels obligated to her because she left her home town to move to a new city with him.He doesnt seem to want to make this decision and this frustrates me,He says he is confused.Ive tried to leave but this is the first person ive ever loved,im so miserable without him so i keep going back.We have the perfect relationship when shes not involved.thats why i find it so hard to walk away,and he keeps telling me that he loves me.Ive been hurt and alone 4 so long,this man has become my best friend, lover and my family and I cant see my future without him.should i make him choose btw me or her?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/21

Hi Hurt..your story is so sad, i'm sorry you have been going through all of this. We all know exactly what you want from this relationship and how you feel about this man and what he means to you but we still dont know how HE FEELS ABOUT YOU! You say he's confused, though he was not confused enough to commit himself to one woman at one stage by getting engaged to her right? Which means he has no problems committing or being decisive...where your relationship is concerned though, there's some indecision and confusion. Have you considered that? How come she (the ex) still has SO much access to both of you..i'm curious..where did she get YOUR number?..from him right..?
He chooses to still have her in his life, which is why she's able to contact you both, and have the pleasure of having you on the side too..! This is one lucky man i tell you..TWO LADIES..fighting for his attention and love! ofcourse he'll continue being 'confused' because this scenario suits him perfectly! Dont you see..? You have to be the one to decide, since he 'cant' and walk out!! If he wants you, he will DECIDE, since he's capable, and COMMIT because he's done it before and you maintain your dignity and pride in the process. Dont continue playing second fiddle, this hurt you're feeling now and will continue feeling from here on in, is only pain you're inflicting on yourself, its not his fault anymore. He's said he's 'confused''re NOT! tell him so, tell him you know what you want, you're the not the one thats confused! When he's done being confused he can let you know, but in the meantime you'll be giving him space (to minimize the confusion) and will be moving on!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: hurt | 2007/02/20

i know the logical thing to do would be to leave,but i love him so much.we've been through alot together and he's become such a part of my life.this is the best relationship ive ever been in except for the interfering ex and i dont think i could have that with any once else.ive tried to date other guys during our time off but no-one compares.when we are together it just feels strong and independent but not when it comes to him.i think im jus scared of being alone cos i come from that place and dont want to be back there,i dont have a stable family and not much friends to help me through this.those first 6 months when it was jus the 2 of us was the most wonderful time of my life.
i dont want to be without can i make him understand my pain?

Reply to hurt
Posted by: H25 | 2007/02/20

Yes, you have every right to ask him "is it me or is it her?, i.e. he can't have both of you. All he seems to be doing is making you more and more miserable. You can't go on with a relationship like this, not knowing who is the better one, you or his ex-fiance. You deserve a straight forward answer from him and if he can't give you one, then tell him he is welcome to go back to his ex-fiance, because you are leaving for good. Otherwise some men (sadly!) think they can get away with "two-timing" it, which is NOT acceptable! Just think about it, is he conveniently using you, thinking you are too soft to do something about it?

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