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Question
Posted by: Tess | 2004/10/13

Ex depressed

Hi,

my boyfriend and i broke up after 3 years of being together. I moved out and went to see him last night as he sounded a bit down. He wants me back and i told him that i am not coming back. He took the news very badly and he's in a state of depression. I'm scared that he might try and do something to hurt himself as he thinks he now has nothing to live for. What do i tell him, what do i do? I don't want to go back just to make him feel better, but back at the ranch i am miserable. But i can't stay objective seeing that we shared so much together either. Do i send him to a psychologist to talk about this, do i go there and comfort him, do i stay away? I'm not the type of person to just shrug my shoulders and say 'oh well, your problem'. I find it hard to watch him be so sad. His family lives far away so i can't really send him away to them for a while. Please help. I'm really worried about him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Tess, it sure sounds as if it'd be a good idea for him to see a psychologist ; maybe you, too, and separately. Sounds like, with his family being distant, he has centred his life very much round you, maybe too much so, and is finding it hard to imagine how to cope without you. Suggest that he go for counselling, so he can work this out on his own.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/13

hi there

i know you care about him but it's time you stop wanting to save him from himself, he has a problem and NO ONE can solve it but him, he is manipulating you and you are taking the bait, he has to stand on his own to feet and take responsiblity for his live and happiness, you can not try and make him happy, that was his mothers job and not yours

keep your distance both physically and emotionally and allow him to find the strenght inside himself to stand up and overcome this problem
he needs to have his ego boosted by overcoming a problem not manipulation someone els to carry his load

nina

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