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Question
Posted by: Nicolai | 2006/04/11

ex commited suicide

Hi Doc, hope you're going from strength to strength with that arm of yours.
I found out this morning that my ex had hanged himself in his garage yesterday and I feel a bit dulled. We were not together a particularily long time, he drank too much and was reckless with his and my life. I just feel so sad that he was so alone in those last hours. He didn't even leave a letter for his family or for his young daughter. We still spoke and saw each other often (only ever as friends as we run in the same business circle). And last week he was so damn happy - on top of the world. Maybe becuase he had decided that he was going to end it all.

Part of me thinks that if I had stayed with him this may have never happened as I grounded hiim a lot - in the sense of optimism and just not being to over-emotional. But then another part of me thinks that I would be a girlfriend who's boyfriend died yesterday. That he would have done it anyway. WHo knows I suppose?

Thanks for the ramble, feel quite sad today - can't believe he's gone.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Nicolai, and thanks for your good wishes. I am so sory to hear of this unpleasant experience. Suicide is always sad, and people who do it always underestimate the pain they will cause for other people. It was a bad choice to make, but it was his choice. Sorry too to hear that he may have had an inadequate shrink during that previous admission, but he should have been more demanding, too, and insisted that she pay proper attention and work more energetically with him. I agree with your second thoughts, that he would probably have done it anyway, whether or not you had remained with him --- serious work with a shrink can make a diference ; the best support you could have given, at considerable sacrifice to yourself, would probably not have been enough. And his drinking probably was what tipped the balance, as alcohol is universally depressing and also makes one more impulsive and less wise.
Whatever the emotional nature of your relationship recently, it is upsetting and it is hard to believe that this has happened. How sad, especially, for the daughter and the rest of his family.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nicolai | 2006/04/12

thanks for your wise words CS, makes the world of difference.

Nan, sorry to hear about your late husband - you too have given wise words

Reply to Nicolai
Posted by: nan | 2006/04/11

never blame yourself people who +do this deed are spiteful and please dont all jump down my throat at once my husband c/s 12 years ago and let me tell you they always blame other or the medical proff for not helping them but as i said before do/c can only help you 50% of the way the rest is up to you. and i dont feel sorry for people that dier this way only the ones left behind without answers so please dont blame yourself

Reply to nan
Posted by: Nicolai | 2006/04/11

Thanks for the hug Cp-Mom and the words Pgame. More is nog a dag.

Reply to Nicolai
Posted by: CP Mom | 2006/04/11

So sorry to hear this, dont know what to say but here's a hug

*hug*

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Nicolai | 2006/04/11

I forgot to mention that last year he attempted and changed his mind and booked himself into Olivedale. The Psyciatrist there (who co-incidentally 'treated' my mother) only saw him every second or third day for a 5 minute 'chat'. The meds didnt have much effect so he too went off them. What a waste.

Reply to Nicolai
Posted by: Pgames | 2006/04/11

Don't blame yourself. I know it makes you feel bad. But never say it's your fault. Everybody has a choice. It's how you make it that is the big deal.

Good luck and remember to keep your head up high,

Pgames

Reply to Pgames
Posted by: Pgames | 2006/04/11

Don't blame yourself. I know it makes you feel bad. But never say it's your fault. Everybody has a choice. It's how you make it that is the big deal.

Good luck and remember to keep your head up high,

Pgames

Reply to Pgames

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