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Question
Posted by: Reggie | 2007/03/05

ex best friend is pregnant

I am living with my girlfriend for 2 months now with the intentions of getting married to her, i just found out that through one night of fun with my best buddie, she is now pregnant, i am scared that my parents would force me to marry this women whom i don't love. I truly love my girlfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with her and she so understanding about the situation and will stand by me. The only problem is this mistake has happened for the second time round, what can i do that is honourable and for the sake of my happiness and my parents please help urgently.

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Our expert says:
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Hi Reggie

No judgement here, but contraception does prevent this kind of thing happening.

Once the smoke clears from this situation, you will see that there are no clear winners. Your friend is having your child and your girlfriend is standing by you. By all accounts you are an adult and you can make choices as an adult. Your parents may well be disappointed with you, and they have some right to feel so. They do, however, not have the right to tell you whom to marry and whom not to marry.

You do have some issues to deal with, not the least the fact that you are going to become a father and the mom is your friend. She may be your friend, but she has the right to ask you for maintanance for your child. How will your girlfriend react once the child is born, and how will your parents react if they find out by default that they have a grandchild?

Speak to your folks, be honest with them and be assertive. There are no clear winners here.

Mike Lacey-Smith
Life Coach for Men

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: annonymous | 2007/03/26

I think at times in life we have to think about the actions we take how it will affect the other people around you. Its not about you only my friend it involves the people you love. You have to seriously consider using protection. If you get sick it will involve your girl friend, your parents they all get hurt and will go thru hell taking care of you with the huge medical bills involved. Also we should always consider the innocent souls. They want a family. They have no choice who their father and mother is but I think its the right of every child to have a family.Its the right of every child to grow up with mother and father. In most cases children who do not grow up with both parents suffer from the effects of trying to adjust either to the patners of both parents. So please lets avoid some of these careless mistakes. There is protection. Anyway its crying over spilt milk because its done already but can you please stop having babies outside marriage.

Reply to annonymous
Posted by: Sparticus | 2007/03/06

Reggie - You've been told by "Anon" that you've been playing with fire- I agree! You seem to have wrapped yourself up with the problem situations and now they are a burden. Now you are scared of what everyone thinks and all along you only thought of yourself.
The uitkak parade is something you desrve but at the same time it is also part of the healing process. You need to stop giving the impression you are the noble one because there are other people involved and you have hurt them.
Your escape to this forum is a feeble attempt to solve things. The others in your life also have something to say and you should talk to them as well.
Its the second time around the block and you have not learned a thing.
Now go and sort your mess out and report back with the good news.

Reply to Sparticus
Posted by: anon | 2007/03/06

Well Reggie, You don't have to marry anyone you don't love, but what concerns me is that you call it' one night of fun with my best friend'. You also mention "this mistake has happened for the second time round". What concerns me is don't you use protection, condoms? You are playing with fire if you do not. No guarantee where or who these other people have slept with or sleeping with.

You will be responsible as the child/children's father to support them and pay maintenance. The mothers can summons you to maintenance court. Its just your fatherly obligation, whether you have any other contact with your children is up to you and the mother.



Reply to anon

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