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Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

Ex and gifts cont...

I decided to copy all the responses to my previous posting, and email them to the ex for her to see what people think of the situation and of how she does things. Maybe she'll catch a wake up, though I doubt it. Should be interesting to see how she responds....!

thanks for your support, and for reminding me of why I had to get out of that relationship, and why I should not ever consider going back.

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Our expert says:
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It will indeed be interesting to se how she responds.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/12

yes i agree

i try really hard but as a mom i'll do anything for my girls becuase they are special and worhty of it - they are not spoilt - so for me it's difficult to understand how he can not do something for his kids...

but yes - i'll try harder - at least he agreed for life insurance - and will most likely sign tonight - yippy

my the best man win

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

Yes, I am, but younger and slimmer! I'm glad this does not change anything, because at the end of the day we are all individuals with our own lives etc.

I know, too many of us battle along because of other peoples selfishness. But the thing is, they have their side, and from their perspective are able to justify their actions.

The real challenge is to try get neutral, objective opinions of things, and from there determine what is the best behaviour. Unfortunately not enough people are willing to use this approach to solve problems, so things get swept under tha carpet, and the worms feed on it for years afterwards.... sad.

You keep well too, and I hope you keep strong!

Me

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/12

hi there

so you're rm brother ? older or younger? - no i'm not changing anything - we respect each others privacy

just want to share with you that you are not the only one who is suffering under a selfish ex

the kids father returned yesterday for 2 days from africa - to go back tom and return before xmas - last night had a braai with all his kids -4- from the ages of 9 -18, they all seemed to enjoy it and i thought it would be nice to have prof photo's taken by a pro of all 4 and dad - as a xmas gift - was not asking any money from them - i even called his eldest daugher and invited her - the appointment was for 6 and they had to get dressed nicely - so 10 min ago he calls and cancel - just because he is so selfish and doesn't want eldest daugher to take her bf with - so he just cancel everything - won't even make a effort for my kids - just cancel everything - my kids will treasure a photo with dad and be kept next to bed - they adore him
but no he just won't make any effort to meet anyone halfway - sick and the kids suffer most

anyway just wanted to tell you you are not alone

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/12

Nothing like getting one over someone unreasonable, hey FIO? Good on you for finding a way to get something to the girls for Xmas.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

Sassy, yes it does worry me, but I will make some plan to get the message across to the girls. One way or another. I will probably chat to her ex huisband, and ask him to give the gifts to the girls. Jeepers, that will really piss her off....!!

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/12

She says she isn't selfish in one breath and then in another she says she doesn't want you to give the kids presents because it reminds HER too much????? And that isn't selfish? Can't she think of the kids first and then herself? My initial estimation of her still stands!! My opinion has not changed one iota.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Sassy | 2005/12/12

I posted on your earlier posting but I don't think you saw it...

Aren't you afraid that those children might think you don't care or that you're giving them up? Even though they are not your children weren't you there when they were sick or happy or sad? Why should you not give them gifts. At least they could treasure that.

I love children to bits and I won't let adults stand in my way of giving them something from my heart. A gift is a way of showing that you love them and doing nothing (not even seeing them) breaks my heart. So imagine how their hearts would break thinking that you don't care. It's Xmas time - a very special time especially for children.

Good luck with your decision...
;-)

Reply to Sassy
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

She has replied:

Says she is not spiteful and selfish, and that she wanted to see me coz she loves me still. Got a bit nasty and said thats fine, no gifts no seeing the kids.

Then said I dont understand that she doesn't want gifts because its a reminder for her. I have replied asking her then whats the point of wanting to meet me with the girls, is that not a reminder too, especially when for weeks afterwards the girls will be asking for me again, wanting to know where I am why I am not coming home, even though its been 10 months.

Her reply is simple: no gifts no meeting, solution to all problems.

I just replied and said I hope she is happy denying us the right to love and be loved.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/12

I agree with you CP MOM. But I am also a bit sad for the kids because they are missing out on knowing a wonderful person in FIO. She is really being very silly, selfish and immature.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/12

Ek sal tog my kind 'n persent mis-gun net omdat ek 'n bitch is!

Sulke ma's behoort hulle te skaam en is nie 'n ma se gat werd nie - laat ek jou dit maar vertel!

Helde daad. Ne't 'n biologiese pa en 'n aanneempa en nie een van die 2 slegte goed wend 'n poging aan nie......

Die kinders is nie eens joune nie!

As ek jy is (en dis jammer vir die kinders) dan sal ek heeltemal onttrek. Dis tog nie asof jy jou lewe deur saam hulle gaan wees nie en bowendien sodra die volgende man kom gaan jy HEELTEMAL verstoot word en vir wat ?

Sterkte.

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Dude | 2005/12/12

ey, sounds like uz ad a bad one, iz ad a bad one once... she waz so f*ed in er ead she thought the ole world waz wrong an she waz right, like em people on idols oo thought ey cud sing but really cud not ...

likesay... wipe uz past away like iz did ma arse afta em dump an flush...

Reply to Dude
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

Hi Nina, good to hear from you again.

Did you read my last posting to our concerns about how much we know of eachother?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/12

hi there

thats a good idea - i thinks she is quite childish and insecure
pitty that she is so selfish that the kids must be denied love

the wheel turns one day the kids with grow up and know the real pic

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

If I feared any form of response from her that would jeopardise my perspective of things, i certainly would not have sent her the correspondence. There are two sides to every story, true.

We went for couples therapy before, she refuse to go back after the therapist started highlighting certain things about her that did not weant to hear. Everytime I suggested she go see someone to get some therapy and that both of us go, she would mutter, say yes, then cancel at the last moment saying she didn't need any counselling.

I am an open book, and not afraid to talk about anything to anyone anytime. She cant do this, and wont, because she does not like the truth.

So Dude, what you say is a valid point, but she is more than welcome to state her case to anyone anytime. I would welcome it actually... but running away from reality is the history of her life.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Dude | 2005/12/12

uz did somethin weird mate... ow is she gonna take it if uz sayin ow things r from uz perspective, maybe she might come onto em sites an start givin uz off as a lame ass en everyone will think uz got a warped perspective ... en again maybe iz gonna go take a shyte in the company bog ... look at ma dumped smelly log ... find new meanin in relationships, solve untold misery, ers so much in a shyte these days

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/12

You are so welcome. But as you say, it probably won't change anything, but at least you know that your decision has been a good one.

Reply to Frusty

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