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Posted by: Dreaming A life | 2005/11/28

Everyone I have really loved has never loved me back.

Throughout my life I have in fallen in love about three times, (really fallen in love) but I have never been loved back. I am 35 years old and have a great personality and I am an athlete. I wish I could live my dreams but I find I am dreaming my life away. I Just feel so empty and tired.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Dreaming A Life, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here. I see you've been given good advice by several people - thanks guys.

You may also want to look at how your relationships develop. We seldom simply 'fall' in love - there's a process of getting to know someone and making yourself known to that person during which positive feelings develop to the point of love. Often when we 'fall' in love too soon it is strongly influenced by lust or we're creating a fantasy relationship that doesn't really exist, often due to our over-valuing that person (placing him on a pedestal). By paying more attention to your feelings, as they gradually develop in response to the person unfolding himself to you, and coupled with the feedback you receive from him, you should be able to do a bit of 'reality checking' on how the relationship is actually developing. Someone else used the term 'madly in love' on our forum recently - love is not a rational space but we need to be objective about how our relationships are progressing. Try to pace things accordingly. I highlight the reciprocal content of relationships - be sensitive to feedback you're given. If there's no positive feedback you may need to slow down or back away and place your energies elsewhere. In the interim, until you enter your next relationship, work on loving yourself more. Nurture and be kind to yourself and I hope you have a close, warm and loving network of friends who make you feel special.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Curious | 2005/12/06

Grief over the people you love who do not return the favour? Are you a very sociable person - do you have lots of friends to visit; go out with etc?

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Dreaming A life | 2005/12/05

I just want to tell you all today that I am struggeling; I went for a jog this morning and most of the time, I was just crying, I am just consumed by grief.

Reply to Dreaming A life
Posted by: Curious | 2005/12/01

Don't get dicouraged. The right person is out there waiting for you (I know it sounds corny, but it is true) Just also keep one thing in mind.... don't allow any person you fancy to 'use' you because they know how you feel. The right person will love you for who & what you are - just as you are.

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Dreaming A Life | 2005/11/29

Hi Curious

Yes the first two new how I felt, the last one still does not know of my true feelings for him, but he knows I care about him. I do everything for him.

Reply to Dreaming A Life
Posted by: Curious | 2005/11/29

Dreaming,

I have some idea of how you feel. I myself have now been in love with this one woman for the past 4 or so years. I also feel lonely, feel like I am not good enough - always daydreaming and thus not really living my life etc,etc. Constantly thinking what is wrong with me.... Can I ask - these three people you were in love with... did they even know how you felt about them?

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Love | 2005/11/29

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain ...

Dreaming A life, I am smiling because it feels like a never ending story/battle ... doesn't it? Good luck my friend, I hope YOU find that mutual true love someday. Life is a mystery and journey I tell you :-) Don't get to down about it, just live it. xx

Reply to Love
Posted by: Dreaming A life | 2005/11/29

Love

I understand your point, I have allowed love to choose me, and I am loved in abundance by someone, I just dont love him back...its terrible when your whole life you are loved by someone but you dont love him back, then you love somone who does not love you back. I just dont know I feel so helpless.

Reply to Dreaming A life
Posted by: Love | 2005/11/29

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose the rest in the other person's heart ....

Remember that you don't choose love, love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to verflowing, the reach out and give it away ....

Reply to Love
Posted by: Dreaming A Life | 2005/11/29

Living My Life

Let me clear up a misunderstanding, those three people that I loved I never even kissed or touched, the pain of loving someone who you cannot even touch is what I am talking about. I have never been with someone that I have truly loved.

Reply to Dreaming A Life
Posted by: living my life | 2005/11/29

You really need to cheer up and stop feeling down. You've fallen in love three times. That's 3 times more than what a lot of people can say. In fact, it's 2 more times more than what I've been. It's been over 15 years since I've fallen in love. In fact, though I'm not a virgin I've yet to have sex with a girl that I've been in love with. A lot of people have sexual fantasies consisting from everything from 3somes, gangbangs or being tied up. My fantasy is to have a sexual relationship with someone that I'm in love with. I'm sure you've experienced it right. You've done something that a lot of people dream about. You've done it with 3 different partners. Consider yourself lucky and remember your not alone.

Reply to living my life
Posted by: Greek | 2005/11/29

Hi there,

It doesnt mean that if someone doesnt love you the way you want them too, they dont love you with all of their being.

Also this is the past leave it there, teh past only holds you back. Go out have fun, flaunt that athletic body and great personality of yours.

Greek

Reply to Greek
Posted by: Dyl | 2005/11/29

Hi Dreaming,
i think you feel the same way as a lot of us. it takes some more than others a long time to find their soul mate. hang in there, don't give up, and don't stop serching, you'll find the write person in least expected place.
good luck
dyl

Reply to Dyl

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