Posted by: Kalib | 2008/10/13


I have a rather disturbing and yet embarrassing problem. When my partner and I have sex, I have an erection but it isnt the same as if I were to watch porn (which would result in being rock hard). The embarrassing problem is when she goes down on me I end up becoming softer and softer until completely flaccid. Even the last partner I was with had the same result when going down on me. My penis is not that sensitive, i only feel oral if they really suck hard, otherwise I feel nothing. Could this be due to masturbation or low libido? I am very fit and not obese at all, I' m also constantly dieting so my nutrition isn' t really bad. Please help, I would like to experience hard erections as well as enjoy my oral sex life too.

Thanks for your time and help...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There are several possibilities, of which some or all may be relevant:
(1) Given your awareness of fitness and body (e.g. 'constantly dieting'), I wonder if you are also self-conscious and very aware of your sexual performance. When your attention is away from what you are feeling and rather more on what you are thinking/seeing (and hoping for - i.e. porn style sexual performance which is quite unrealistic! Sex is not like that for most people! or hoping not to happen i.e. your erection to go) then essentially your body's sexual response is not able to work as it should. If this fits for you, try focusing just on the sensations you feel and stay in the moment (i.e. with that sensation) and don't worry about whether it is hard enough to begin with, because this is likely to work against your erection. If it goes soft, stay with the sensations and try to focus on what feels good; this can still be very pleasurable...
(2) The context may also play a role, if you have beliefs about sex being sacred or the preserve of long-term committed relationships, then it is also possible that your are experiencing some guilt about what you are doing, or disrespect the person doing it to you!
(3) Given that you watch porn, and presumably masturbate, it may be that you have become used to high levels of friction (and mental stimulation due to unrealistic porn images) which will need to be tempered to enjoy real life experiences again. If this fits for you, try getting your partner to use more than a mouth with oral sex, as a mouth can't give the same degree of friction as a dry hand.

The key to your body's response is to be able to focus on and enjoy the sensations you are experiencing, in a context in which you feel safe/comfortable.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: oz | 2008/10/13

Try and think about the porn movie that you checked, perhaps that will help

Reply to oz

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