Our expert says:
At his age I am wondering why he is suffering from ED - it could be a number of possible reasons:
1. if he has a physical problem (e.g. diabetes, very overweight) it could be a complication of this problem - however it would be less likely that he would have early morning erections.
2. as his erection still works some of the time, it could be that he has psychological blocks to erectile functioning - this is where he may fear sexual failure/poor performance, and this essentially blocks the normal workings of the sexual response. If there is conflict in the relationship or he has individual concerns (e.g. not feeling 'man' enough), this could also affect his erection.
So it is possible that he could have erectile dysfunction and still have early morning erections.
As for the semen marks in his underpants - I would want to be sure that that is indeed what it is before confronting him with this, and if you do confront him, don't do so in an accusing way - it could be that he is embarrassed and is masturbating to relieve his sexual tension... One way to address this could be to discuss the ED in an accepting way and suggest that you could engage in other sexual activities, not just penetration, to take the pressure off his needing to have an erection. If the two of you are able to still be loving and intimate, even if he can't get an erection, it is a very good indicator.
There are treatment options for ED - both pharmaceutical and psychosexual - why not consider some of these option together to see how this can be addressed. It is common that when one partner experiences sexual difficulty the overall intimacy in the relationship declines - this is likely to be part of what you are missing and it is fair that you have this need (and your sexual needs) addressed in some way.
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