Posted by: Cool | 2003/03/03


Hi all, I have decided to leave my boyfriend, he broke up with me 18 times in February 2003, I begged him to take me back 18 times when we make up he promises to love me forever and then a few days later the same thing.... From hitting my head against the wall to driving around after 01:00 last night I even went to my offices and re- connecting computers that time of the Bloody morning cause I couldnt handle it. I am 25 years old and procured an executive position as company accountant and has been awarded Equity in the business, and in the same time in the process of completing another degree, I have worked so hard for this and in the same time helping my mother dealing with cancer and my dad who is unemployed with no money for retirement, my life has been a little difficult. I have lost my best friend some time ago, he hanged himself, and now feels all alone. My boyfriend is a few years younger than me and always plays with my feelings and emotions and I am now feeling worthless and I am afraid that I might lose everything that I have worked so hard for. My 26th birthday is on Wednesday and the fact that I am feeling so lonely brings me to tears when I reflect on my life...

I dont know what to do to make myself feeling better all I want to know is when will this feeling disappear and my life situation ameliarates. I know you cant have everything but I was happier when I was a waiter two and a half years ago.

How do I deal with this? please help!!!!!

I am losing my mind...

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Our expert says:
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Dear Cool,
From the sound of it, you have managed marvellously well in dificult circumstances, to start making a real success of your work life / career, and are on the way to still better things. OK, in the social sphere, things could be a lot better, but that's not inevitable or unchangeable. It's sad that you lost your best friend ( suicides often forget the awful impac their act is likely to have on others ) and you are probably still dealing with your grief over that, as well as the other burdens you have been facing.
But what is wrong with this guy you've been with lately ? Breaking up with you 18 times in February ( just as well it wasn't a leap year ? ) must be a record. And your asking him to come back, 18 times, as well ? It really doesn't sound as if he deserves you, and he can hardly be our last chance of a happy relationship. It sounds as if he has been abusive, emotionally and physically --- and abusers ( unless, rarely, they enthusiastically embrace serious therapy to change themselves ) do not change. You are surely much better off without him. You can be far, far, more lonely within a relationship with an abusive spouse than when actually on your own.
It sounds as if you'd be happier without him, looking after yourself and your affairs, and maybe working first towards enlarging your circle of true friends, people who can have pleasant times with, and with whom you can discus issues, without feeling pressured. Take your time to find a guy who is not abusive, and who keeps his promises about love. You're obviously worth far more than this present guy.
Don't be losing your mind --- lose the abuser, and keep your mind.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/04

It hurts, yes. Terribly, awfully. But although you won't believe this now, somewhere out there is a man who will be worthy of you. Most of us older women know your dilemma -- oh god, please let him love me!! It will take time, but eventually you will realise that he was all wrong for you, never mind how much you love him now. And that it was a blessing in disguise that he did not "love" you back. Just scroll this page and see how many unhappy marriages are out there. You are too promising, in a too good position, to let that happen to you. All the luck in the world, Cool. You deserve it.

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Cool | 2003/03/04

Thank you for replying Zeena, I did well yesterday but the thought of being alone out there is terrifying and I do want him to love me so badly it hurts. As for time, lets see how it goes.

Reply to Cool
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/03

You probably might never read this as you have already answered, but I think you are doing great, and the last thing you need is this boyfriend. You have an entire (good-looking) life in front of you. Why do we women get dependent on men who do not deserve us?? You have been through a difficult time -- still is IN a difficult time. I am sure you can do without a guy who broke up with you 18 times in 28 days! (Good grief, try the Guinness Book of Records for that!) I'd say, send him on his way, and get right on with your brilliant life. Honestly. No jokes. You can do MUCH better than this guy. Just give time a chance ...

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Cool | 2003/03/03

I really thank you for your advice and it really means alot to me. I am currently on a mild tranquillizer which seems to help just fine, the more I think about my life without him the more inspired I am feeling then just for that one moment when I am terribly sad but I suppose that is the way it goes and I will just have to bite my lip.....

Thank you very much Doc and Paul...

Reply to Cool
Posted by: Paul | 2003/03/03

Dear Cool,

I read about all the wonderful things you have accomplished in such a short time of life and I try to imagine what can possibly be so bad being alone with someone like that. Every single body will one time or the other go through one or more Christmas/Birthday/Etc alone. You seem such a great person that you should cherish the time you have alone, it can either be used as a learning tool, being alone - getting things on perspective (especially a birthday) where one tends to look back at the years gone by - or - it could break you and work on you for being alone. Rather use it for the better.

Kind regards Paul.

Reply to Paul

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