Posted by: Natasja | 2008/06/10


today has probably been the worst day EVER!!!

please dont tel me to go to the cybershrink forum, they not as friendly as you are here.

i suffer from bipolar, and OCD (i cut myself) and on top of everything, im addicted to pain killers.

i have a loving gf who just wants to help. she tried her utmost to get me an appointment at a psyc today, but nobody can help me for atleast the next three weeks.

i feel i cant talk to anyone, not even my family. (though some of you will remember i complained about my 'evil' sister in law a while back) but on the other hand its like i dont want to talk to anyone, i want to crawl up and die. go to sleep and never wake up again. the last couple of days i've been continplaiting which will be the best way to die, crash my car into i bridge or drive into an on cumming truck, drinking all the pills i can get my hand on, or using my moms gun thats next to her bed, slitting my wrists lso sounded good lastnight.

im tiered of feeling this way, nothing makes me happy anymore, the prospects of getting a promotion at work, my very very loving gf, NOTHING!!!! in fact all these things make me feel even worse, why cant i just be happy?

i've posted to the CS about my addiction to pain killers, he just tels me to go to see my shrink, which i cant afford.

as im sitting here i dont know if i should post this, im not sure i want to reveal my dark secrets to a world of people i dont know, but i know that these people have soemthing in commen with me, we are brother (or sisters) in a weird way. we are all gay, something not alot of people understand.

im not to sure im making sense anymore??? its just that i never want this day over again, nothing overley bad happened, im just so sad and down that live has become to much, it feels. i just hope that tomorrow wont be worse.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you Natasja, welcome here and thanks for posting.

You're certainly in a dark space right now and having difficulty in seeing any light in your world. Cutting yourself, or any form of self-mutilation, needs to be taken seriously and I have no doubt at all that you require urgent medical attention.

A suggestion: it is true that seeing a private psychiatrist is expensive but if you're in need of specialist care don't allow cost to be a factor - you can go to the casualty department of any public hospital, where you will be seen by a doctor who will, if necessary, activate the psychiatrist on call. Don't wait for three weeks - get professional assistance ASAP.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: lerato | 2008/06/23

hey babes, don't you ever judge your self, the are peolpe out there who love and care about you deeply, dont you do this to us, bcoz we are part of your life!

this just made me cry, i cant handle things like this and dont want to see you in pain, be strong and try to fight your fears you can defeat them, you are here for a purpose and the lord knows what he has planned for you...

keep well darling and know that we are with you all the way.and you are safe here, and of cause we do love you, we do!!!!!!!

Reply to lerato
Posted by: wondering | 2008/06/11

hey natasja. im also bp, did post a reply on bp forum. im not in quite the same situation as u, bt bp is not easy. you have yourself to live for, your future kids(?). if you wanna chat, i can post my email details for you. you shouldnt be goind thru this alone. you have come to the right forum for support. from what i have seen, there is no discrimination here! keep your chin up and know that we care mwaz

Reply to wondering
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/06/11

Hi Natasha. Just remember that there are people who care and deeply so even if they do not always understand what you are going through, and that at the end of the dark tunnel, the light shines the brightest.

Posted by: Kirby | 2008/06/11

Natasha we are here for you. Please dont do it we think and support you. We care and love you. We will surround you will support. Be strong and take care of you. By just talking to us makes it already much easier.

>>comforting hug<<

Reply to Kirby
Posted by: Simon | 2008/06/10


Reply to Simon
Posted by: Patsy | 2008/06/10

Hey Natasja - howzit babe? - I am with Kobela and Tink, we are here forming a circle of love around you, holding you, containing you, making you safe here, hugging you, loving you, here for you, your sisters, your brothers, your mamas, your dadas, wishing for you, singing for you, hoping for you, trusting for you, knowing for you....

Just let it go Little Sister let it go and feel us here for you, know we are here for you, feel us here for you.....

Listen up Baby Sister and chill baby sister, let it go, let it go, listen up baby sister you are safe

You are safe here sister you are safe

We surround you sister you are safe

You safe here sister

You are safe


Reply to Patsy
Posted by: Kobela | 2008/06/10

hey girl. We are all here, listening and sympathising. We do care. We can't begin to think what you are going to through but stay strong.

You are beautiful no matter what your thoughts tell you. You are more than what your feelings have made of you. You are better than you think. You will survive.

Don't do it babe girl. Please.

Reply to Kobela
Posted by: tink | 2008/06/10

hey girl... >>comforting hug<<

just to let you know i'm listening... even if i don't have all the answers..

i'm also bipolar... are you on meds?... don't know if i would be able to cope without them...

>>big hug<<

Reply to tink

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