Our expert says:
A good queston with no ready easy answer. It's a puzzle why far more men seem to find the prospect of long-term committment within mariage to be so daunting, while many women see it as welcome. Maybe much has to do with social conditioning. I often hear parents ( moms and dads ) talking to their daughters about "when they get married", and encouraging toys and games that include the idea of such bonding --- it's far rarer to hear similar chat about litle boys being expected to get married. Except, perhaps, when an exasperated parent, faced with rebellious and naughty kids, says : "Aah, I look forward to the day when You're married and have kids --- and you find oput what a pain in the neck childen can be ! "
It does sound od for him to swtich from proposing one week, to deciding in a couple of weeks that it'll take him 8 years to get ready. Marriage isn't exactly an Olympic Event that needs years of carefully programmed training ( though, on second thoughts, maybe it wouldn't be so bad an idea if there were a bit of training involved ! ) and it isn't a Medical or similar degree where one can predict that the course will take 7 years.
Wherever his wild guess as to how long it'll take comes from, what he probably has realized is that he's far from grown up enough to manage to be responsibly committed to someone else. Now, at 27, he's had plenty of time to grow up --- waiting till 33, if he hasn't managed to achieve adult attitudes by 27, doesn't sound very encouraging !
And to expect you to simply st down and wait for another half a decade, on the off-chance that he may manage it by then, is hardly reasonable.
Surely, you both need to sit down, calmly, and discuss this whole issue, like adults, and seek to better understand each other's point of view. One might even consider pre-marital counselling, to get the benefit of some expert advice. At least this event has confirmed that there's more that you don't know about him, that perhaps you realized. If he's adamant that he needs at least a 12-year engagement, maybe it is reasonable to suggest he can send you a postcard when he thinks he's ready, but in the meantime you could feel justified in getting on with the rest of your own life ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.