Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Oh dear Hartseer this really sounds horrid and I can quite understand your feeling devastated.
You've received several great responses (well done Deeve and Steve) and I can only affirm that you really need to confront your boyfriend head-on - don't buy his stupid and flippant comment that he was merely 'testing' some guy. Forget your feelings of love and instead access your feelings of anger when you talk to him - you're entitled to FAR more than he's been giving you. Don't allow him to manipulate you or to play on your feelings - he needs to assume full responsibility for his behaviour.
Four years is certainly a long time and the norms and values of the relationship have no doubt been established. If he hasn't been able to abide by and respect these now, how will he manage them a few more years down the line? A great response from Steve - don't just walk away from this relationship. Allow him a space to explain himself and assume responsibility, and to suggest to you how he thinks he can engender trust again. But if you're not satisfied, move on. It is better being single than being in a destructive relationship.
Please keep posting here and tell us how you're doing......
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