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Question
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/01

Emptiness

Dear Doc
I have been on medication for 3 weeks now. The nightmares have eased up and I feel much better.
However, at night when the kids are asleep and I am alone with my thoughts, I feel depressed all over again. I can't help but think about my life and how nothing has turned out the way that I had hoped. I feel so empty inside. My friend told me that I am a kind and loving person and deserving of happiness, but I can't help but to wonder if that is my problem. I don't know if there is a point that I am missing. I don't know why I seem to always grab the rotten end of the stick. When I am alone, I still have thoughts of ending it all. I am tired of feeling like there is nothing left inside me. I don't know what I did to deserve the things that have happened to me and I can't seem to move forward.
I love my children and they occupy most of my time at home. I enjoy being at work. I have one close friend. I just feel so dead.
Am I ungrateful? Why do I feel like this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes, Inc ( pleased some aspects of the situation have really improved, by the way ) one has to find ways of avoiding these negative think-fests when one gets stuck in essentially negative thinking, like a car with its wheels spinning in the mud or sand. If you are eventually sleeping OK and feeling refreshed, then use this extra bit of time for some positive actions, chores round the house, hobbiers, whatever, something that doesn't leave you open to getting stuck within a cycle of nagative thoughts. Maybe everything didnt turn out the way you hoped, but then it probably also hasn't turned out quite the way you feared, either. I know that you are indeed a kind and loving person, and deserving of all the love in the world. And you remind me of a Marilyn Monroe line in one of my favourite ever films Some Like It Hot, where she sadly says something like "I always end up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop".
Isn't it a problem that we feel we must somehow have DESERVED whatever bad things happend to us, without recognizing that in fact this isn;t so at all ? Bad things happen, even to the best of people ( and you fall into that category ). Bad things happen at random, and also because of the actions of bad people towards good people. But the sort of people who really deserve bad things to happen to them usually seem to get off scot-free !
You have good work you enjoy, and great children --- that's a lot more than many people have. As you cotninue to work your way out of depression, you'l;l appreciate and enjoy this more.
I understand that you feel strange about being alone with "me", even though we all know what a splendid "me" that is. The counselling is coming, too. And what about seeking hobbies / groups of others, with whom you can share interests ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

Perhaps you are afraid to deal with some aspects of yourself - this doesn't make you unlovable or not wonderful. We all have aspects of ourself that we can be uncomfortable with at times.
Inc, you've been through alot - you're ermotionally drained - I am sure this has taken quite some time for you to get here, it is going to take some time to get better too.
There is plenty to love about Inc, your pain is masking it right now - but it won't be this way forever.
Please talk to me if you need to - chelle at websurfer dot co dot za

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/01

Chelle... I truly hope that I can come through this... I ache all over! I'm so happy when there are others around me. I guess I have my answer then... if I don't want to be with 'me', then I can't be all that wonderful huh?

Reply to Inc
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/01

Hi Inc

I'm never alone with "me" ever ... cannot handle it....

Sterkte mens.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

I understand that feeling so well, Inc. I have not handled "alone with myself" for ages. But I started therapy, and meds on 1 September, and here we are, two months later, and I have not cut myself, the thoughts of suicide are no more, and I can spend a Sunday night alone without feeling alone and deserted! I stil lhave work to do, but the shrink is already talking about going off the meds. I can't believe the change in me - I was fortunate that this process seems to have gone quickly for me, but I have so much faith that you can get there too.
Also you don't have to be alone, and you don't have to be the strength for everybody. Start using your resources. Write us on the forum, or call your friends, do something that helps you not feel lonely when you get into that frame of mind. You are never truly alone. "Aloness" is really a frame of mind in so many ways.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/01

Trich and Chelle
thank you... I don't think I know how to be alone with 'me'... and it's scary.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: Trish | 2004/11/01

It's hard being a good person when all around you there are people who just don't seem to care. Never give up on who you are bcos there will be better days and happier moments. We all go through days of sadness, of feeling alone and it hurts. Try to look at the positive things in your life, take up a hobby, plant some beautiful flowers in your garden, spend days with the kids at the beach. The world is full of beautiful things and you won't be able to appreciate them if your don't allow yourself to look past your troubles, past or present. You sound like you've had a really tough time and it takes time to heal. Just be patient and don't lose hope. Best of luck to you friend!

Reply to Trish
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

Hello Inc - Firstly you did nothing to deserve the way you are feeling now. You don't deserve to feel this way. You're in a very difficult situation, and unfortunately one which so many people are afraid of. I can only imagine how empty this must make you feel. We all desire to be loved for who we are, and to be appreciated for our funny quirks whatever those might be. I think with the challenges you have faced, you have done tremendously well, but perhaps you need time out - you seem to have been going and going and perhaps forgotten about something of yourself along the way.
The meds do take some time to work, and do help to take a look at the situation from a less negatively emotive way. When this starts to happen the solutions to solving the way you are feeling tend to come easier and things make more sense.
I am sure the counselling (which if I recall will start next year), will help you tremendously as well.
I'm sending you lots of hugs - you truly deserve them.
I wish you lots of strength (which I know you already have), so perhaps I should wish that you can tap into this strength and find meaning in the wonderful person you are!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/01

Hi Josh and thank you
I do have a sleeping tablet, but I don't take it as I am on 2 anti-depressants... one of them makes me very sleepy... so if I take the sleeping tablet, I still feel drugged the next day. My brain feels rested and I feel better most of the time...

Reply to Inc
Posted by: Josh | 2004/11/01

When taking medication for depression it takes anything from 2 to 6 weeks to kick in. Be patient, it will come right and you will feel much better. Also get a good sleeping pill like Mopivane. It makes you sleep and your brain rests. You do not even dream! Always think of your children and what you mean to them. Nothing must be done to damage their lives for they need you.
You feel this way because of the depression and it will become better.

Reply to Josh

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