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Question
Posted by: Charlene | 2004/10/22

emotions

I was emotionally/mentally abused as a child by my stepfather for 4 years.Today I am a 22 year old woman and I can never talk openly about my feelings. I keep everything inside. It's driving my fiance mad because he will know that there is sumthing wrong but when he asks me I would just say nothing is wrong, but then there is quite a few things bothering me. As a result I will keep quiet until one day then I will just start telling him everything at once and more than once hurt him badly. Everytime he wants to talk about sumthing serious I will start a fight. Sum1 told me once that the reason for this is that I'm scared of getting hurt so I try to be the first one to do the hurting. I'm a very insecure and negative person. Although I try not to be. It's always been easier for me to write a letter rather than talk but my fiance is the exact opposite. He doesn't always understand what I try to say and then we end up fighting again. We've got a huge communication gap between us. Also he did sumthing a few months ago which shook me quite badly. I lost all confidence that I had in myself and although I worked through it in the past months, it's always lurking at the back of my head as if I'm waiting for it to happen again. Sumtimes it feels as if I can't take it no more. As if my life isn't worth it. I had a very tough childhood and I've been taking care of myself since I was 9.
Why is it so hard for me to talk about my feelings? Why do I always hurt the ones I love the most? Why can't I forget all the wrong things that happened to me that I don't think I deserved? How can I be more positive and open?

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Our expert says:
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Charlene, there could be many reasons why you find it hard to talk about your feelings, including experiences relating to the emotional abuse. You are asking many important questions, which would be best dealt with in proper psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist, providing you with a private and confidential place within which to talm freelly ( with someone traiend to make that easier ) and achieve a better understanding of yourself and a better ability to deal with what's been troubling you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Susan | 2004/10/22

What happens when you get abuse you make pathways in your mind everything is linked to something, and when you and
fiance gets into a fight your brain goes back to all the links maked in the past. And you don't only act on what you feel now but what you felt in the past. it is like when you are making something on the stove and it starts boiling over. If you would have turned the stove a little lower it would'nt have happened. But you don't have time you have so much to do. It is the same with our emotions, if you just put the lid on it and you don't deel with it you are going to have an explosion when something happens. Get yourself a hitting bag and when you are in an arguement try and get rid of all the anger before you talk to him. If you are calm you wont say words that you regret.

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