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Question
Posted by: Didi | 2011/10/31

emotionally &  physically hurt

My hubby was busy scrolling with my cell then saw a chat between my friend &  i, he read &  misunderstood our conversation. he took it wrong i was sleeping after writing an exam he came accused me of having a nice time when he is away(he travels work related).
I also took it light said " u like to give yourself stress, i don''t know what you talking about." He said check your chat on BBM with ya friend.I took de phone went to the loo trying too get the conversation he is talking about while i''m busy checking he came &  said have u seen it, i said no i can see our chat but i cannot get what you said you''ve seen.

I went to the room and he said let''s see it, we checked that one was not there he then accused me of erasing it, i tried to explain 2 him that i did not select that one only &  ersase it &  what i do understand with BBM i cannot select one if i delete it will be all the chat between me &  that person.

He became angry saying" u ''ll show me that person who drives you when you are drunk"  i said what are u talking about now i don''t cheat and no one drives me.he then started bEATING, KICKING , PUNCHING ME AND FORCING ME TO SHOW THE CHAT, I OPENED THE CHAT AS I STRATED SEARCHING WITH DATES I ENDED UP DELETING THE WHOLE CHAT IT MADE HIM MORE ANGRY SAYING I''M TAKING HIM FOR AM FOOL NOW WAS BEATING ME SAYING I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY I DELETED THAT I TOLD HIM HONESTLY IT WAS BY MISTAKE OR IS BECAUSE OF THE FEAR, HE PUNCHED ME ON MY UPPER LIPS AND STARTED BLEEDING, KICKING ME WITH ANGER &  HATRED I CANNOT FORGET THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE HE WAS ACTING LIKE A MONSTER.I WAS BEGGING FOR MY LIFE AND DID NOT WANT TO LISTEN EVEN TO MY INNOCENCE SWEARING AT ME CALLING ME NAMES THOUGH I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT I''M INNOCENT COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM.

On saturday i also checked his phone found sms from women the other one saying" cld you pls call me honeybear"  the one saying " why are not coming to see me did you end our relationship? i showed him the sms and he said i deleted it by mistake like you did last time .So now i can understand why he was so angry because he is cheating he accuses me instead.i AM STILL FEELING PAINS UNDERNEATH MY BREAST IN MY RIGHTHAND SIDE IS SO SORE EVEN WHEN I''M COUGHING &  HE GOT THE GUTS TO TELL ME THAT IS BECAUSE OF MY MISTAKES I''M FEELING PAINS, HE SAID I SHOULD NOT CONCENTRATE ON THE BEATING BY ON THE CAUSE. iS THIS MAN OKAY?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

First, he should not have been scrolling through your phone, without your permission. If he thinks studying and taking exams is "having a nice time", obviously he's never taken an exam.
But then, his attack on you was illegal and criminal and intolerable.
This sort of immature, violent, insecure fool is dangerous, and there is no point in staying with such a person ; but take care to leave only in the safest way that can be devised, and anti-spouse abuse groups like POWA may be able to help here, as can family and friends.
You can lay criminal charges against him ( if possible get witnesses and have photos taken of your injuries ) and you can get a court interdict forbidding him from approaching or threatening you.
This isn't actually about your innocense, but his insecurity. And your discovery of his obviously improper messages to another woman, which strongly implies infidelity, suggests he may be trying to blame you for doing what actually he is doing. It has nothing to do wih your mistakes, but abusers are skilled at persuading you to blame yourself when it is they who are guilty.
Have a medical checklup and chest X-ray ( you may have cracked a rib ) and again, get the injuries and (tell the doctor exactly what happened ) on record.
This man is not okya, and it is not okay that he be allowed to remain married to a woman he can beat up when he feels like it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lime | 2011/11/02

This is one of the saddest stories I have ever heard off in a long time. This is why a lot of woman suffers in silence. If this poor woman was to go to the police, they will not take her case seriously, they will tell her , we not going to open a case cause you going to go back to your partner and drop the charges later, so no need for us to waste our time. Friends, family and people will always ask what the person whose bean beaten up did , to provoke the this ordeal. What a pity...
Didi, I think no one should be deal with so harshly, especially here on the forum where one thinks they are safe and would be given sound advice. All I can say is, get out of there, run, take kids, kid and run. You only have one life and if you are responsible adult you would choose to live for your kid/s. let him go on with his madness , you know you did nothing wrong , as for where you read your messages that is should not matter, there is a reason it is called a cellphone, I can imagine your last thoughts were being beaten up, if that crossed your mind, you would have DELETED everything the minute you got home to cover your tracks .
Good luck

Reply to Lime
Posted by: MO | 2011/11/01

Are you guys blaming her for the beating?Am i missing something here.
It doesnt matter waht one did no one deserves to be abused period.Didi you know you have to lave that man.He doesnt love you at all.
Leave now u dont want to spend the next ten years wishing otherwise.
Do it for you.
#hugs#

Reply to MO
Posted by: Didi | 2011/11/01

I agree with Carly when you are scared and painicking you end up doing wrong things cause you are not thinking straight, they way you guys are responding is just childish just wish one day one of you or close family member can be in the same situation they maybe you will feel it.

Point of correction i did not go to LOO TO CHECK THE PHONE , I JUST CHECKED IT WHILE IN THE LOO AND I WAS TAKING THIS ISSUE FOR GRANTED IF I KNEW THAT TAKING IT ALONG WITH ME WILL CREATE THIS I WOULD NOT.iF YOU THINK SOMETHING IS FISHY IS UP TO YOU IF YOU CAN GROW UP AND PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES YOU WILL GET THE PICTURE AND FOR YOUR INFO. I DO NOT NEED YOUR SYMPATHY GROW UP, I''M AND PARENT AND ADULT WITH RESPONSIBILITY I CANNOT CRY FOR SYMPATHY ALL I WANTED WAS ADVISE.

Reply to Didi
Posted by: WTF | 2011/10/31

Exactly Chris758 it does sound fishy. and she may be wanting sympathy. Also sounds like she may have had something to hide by taking the phone to the loo and not letting go of the phone when hes beating the crap out of her. lf someone was attacking me l do not think l would be fiddling with my cell and accidentaly deleting messages........................

But its Never right to hit a girl.

Reply to WTF
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/10/31

Sounds fishy!!! Maybe she is lying about being kicked and hurt by him to get sympathy from the people!! The way it is described one would imagine she would be in hospital!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Carly | 2011/10/31

Does it matter where she checked? Do you not think that maybe she checked elsewhere because she was already scared of what he''d do to her? Where she checked is COMPLETELY irrelevent and WFT, did it ever occur to you that during a struggle you may press the wrong buttons???? Seriously, WHAT THE -|- is wrong with you that " it sounds wierd.."  what, that she doesn''t have proper control because she is being BEATEN????? Seriously, the fact of the matter is that this guy beat the hell out of her and all you people can see is " where she checked the phone" ... sounds like you people need to grow up and see the bigger picture.

Reply to Carly
Posted by: Grown up | 2011/10/31

Then why did you not relieve yourself and leave the phone with him Afterwards you could have gone through the evidence together in a mature calm fashion?

Something does not sound right here........also the question asked of how you managed to delete messages when you are being kicked and punched is a good one!

Please do not type in capitals as this is shouting and very rude and immature.

However you did not deserve to be abused no matter what you did wrong......

Reply to Grown up
Posted by: Didi | 2011/10/31

u GOT IT WRONG I WENT TO THE CAUSE NATURE WAS CALLING ME I WAS ASLEEP BY THE WAY AND HE WOKED ME UP AFTER HE GAVE ME THE PHONE HE WENT OUTSIDE, SO I WAS GOING TO THE LOO TO RELIEF MYSELF I JUST TOOK THE PHONE AND KNOWING THAT I''M INNOCENT I WAS CHECKING WHAT THE HELL THIS MAN IS TALKING ABOUT AND I ASKED HIM WHICH CHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

i DID NOT GO TO THE LOO TO CHECK THE PHONE NO LOL, I KNEW I''VE GOT NOTHING TO HIDE IN MY PHONE AND MY CONVERSATION WITH MY GAL FRIENDS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT I WILL GO AND CHECK IN THE LOO

Reply to Didi
Posted by: WTF | 2011/10/31

his beating you up but you still BY MISTAKE manage to delete messages on your phone whilst being hit - this thing sound weird.............

Reply to WTF
Posted by: Grown up | 2011/10/31

I think purple is right you both need to mature quickly!

If i was accused of infidelity on my cell l would not go to the loo to check the evidence but do it in the same room as my accusser.

Both of you definately behave oddly but violence is never ever acceptable, l think you should dump him and try to find a life partner when you are older.

Reply to Grown up
Posted by: Didi | 2011/10/31

I think you did get me right Purple i do not go through his phone with me even if it rings and he is not around i will not picked it up, i just got curios on saturday to go through his and he knows i don''t do that he is the one who likes to check mine even when i''m talking over the phone he would ask me who was that what was he/she saying?

Reply to Didi
Posted by: Purple | 2011/10/31

Why was he going through your cell phone? IF I did that to my husband he would be very angry and if he did that to me I would be very angry. Nobody has the right to physically assault anyone else, and both of you need to grow up a bit.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Caro | 2011/10/31

What the hell are you still doing there, hanging around long enough to ask our opinions?
1. Go see a doctor.
2. Go to the police and lay a charge.
3. Get out. It doesnt matter what his reasons are - even if you were cheating he has no right to beat you. Nothing you did deserved this kind of treatment.
Tell him not to look at the divorce which you will file for, but first get an interdict and lay a charge of assault, but at his actions when he beat you.
You cannot stay with this man.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: B | 2011/10/31

You need to get out of this relationship, as it could cost you your life oneday. Do you have family or friends to go to? The beating is a very very bad sign, and the messages from other women makes it even worse. You are in a very dangerous situation. At least, if you can''t leave him, get to a marriage therapist asap. There is not a reason in the world that makes you deserve any beatings!! Good luck hun. YES, if he beats you, there is something wrong with him!!

Reply to B
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/31

First, he should not have been scrolling through your phone, without your permission. If he thinks studying and taking exams is "having a nice time", obviously he's never taken an exam.
But then, his attack on you was illegal and criminal and intolerable.
This sort of immature, violent, insecure fool is dangerous, and there is no point in staying with such a person ; but take care to leave only in the safest way that can be devised, and anti-spouse abuse groups like POWA may be able to help here, as can family and friends.
You can lay criminal charges against him ( if possible get witnesses and have photos taken of your injuries ) and you can get a court interdict forbidding him from approaching or threatening you.
This isn't actually about your innocense, but his insecurity. And your discovery of his obviously improper messages to another woman, which strongly implies infidelity, suggests he may be trying to blame you for doing what actually he is doing. It has nothing to do wih your mistakes, but abusers are skilled at persuading you to blame yourself when it is they who are guilty.
Have a medical checklup and chest X-ray ( you may have cracked a rib ) and again, get the injuries and (tell the doctor exactly what happened ) on record.
This man is not okya, and it is not okay that he be allowed to remain married to a woman he can beat up when he feels like it.

Reply to cybershrink

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