Posted by: LOT | 2007/05/14

emotionally abusive relationship


I am a well educated divorced mother of three. For the past 3yrs I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I don't understand why I can't get out. It's not that he supports me fiancially or that we have a child together. To me there is no logical reason why I can't break free. He doesn't stay with us but we are in constant contact and share many family outings and events together with my kids. My kids love him and he ensures that there is never any disputes around the kids. But it's when we are alone that he makes me feel absolute worthless. He never does this infront of anyone or the kids.
We spend a wonderful day together yest with the kids for Mother's day. He then went to his family for a while and returned to my place late the eve drunk. He verbally abused me and accused me of the most horrific things. But when he asked if I want him to leave, i was too afraid to say yes. In my head I was screamiong for him to go, but I couldn't get the words out. He taunted me wit the fact that I can't even ask him to leave. Sometimes I am scared that if I say he must leave he won't come back again.

Why is it, that this man that I'm not depended on for my survival cn exersize such control over me. i give him 100% love yet he treats me badly. If I saw anyone in such a situation I would be the first to help them get away, so why can't i help myself.?

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Our expert says:
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As you've noticed, logic has very little to do with relationships. Have you tried calling POWA or WAWA, to discuss it with their counsellors experienced in such situations ? And at least stop allowing him into your place when he's drunk, and tell him he will enver be welcome while drunk. He sounds unlikely to change unless he sincerely takes pat in some major counselling, and I doubt thether he would do so.
As for you --- get thee to a counsellor rapidly, and work towards setting yourself free from this and any similar relationships, repair your self-esteem, and prepare to relate to those you deserve to have in your life

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