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Question
Posted by: carl | 2005/11/27

Emotional breakdown

In my past I have done pretty bad stuff and emotionally it is starting to take a toll on me
I have been in this relationship for almost 2 years with the man of my life.

Still I struggle to get over what hapened in my past , sometimes we will have a discussion about everything that happenede and he would comfort me and stand with me.

But as soon as we have a fight he uses my past to get back at me

I am so scared to tell him how I feel or to have a conversation because I know I wil be hammered with it in the future,

I did something so embarresing and stupid I cheated on him about 7 times I just wanted him to get hurt and feel the pain I am having inside.

I know that what I did is immoral and unwelcomed in any relationship and I told him about the cheating now he is on the rampage to do the same.

I love this person with my whole heart but how should I handle the situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Carl and welcome to our forum.

I'm concerned at the reason you state for cheating on your partner. Your wanting to hurt him and "...feel the pain I have inside..." is disconcerting. It either indicates a) that your relationship is fundamentally flawed (do you somehow feel abused by him, has he caused you emotional pain and if he did, why did you have to resort to such passive-aggressive means to deal with the situation?) or b) your distortion of reality (using your sense of hurt as a justification for your behaviour).

His wanting to go out and repeat your behaviour is an infantile attempt to solve the problem and is equally passive-aggressive.

Handle the situation by entering into a process of couple counselling. If this relationship is as important to you as you say you'll need professional intervention to resolve it.



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Our users say:
Posted by: friend | 2005/11/27

We all do stupid things at one stage - and daily. Love is all about forgiving - start loving yourself 'cause you have all the reason to do ... so it sound in your posting - and forgive yourself for what you did - and leave it there!
I believe that the devil uses selfblame or what ever it is called to steal our happyness!
You and your lover should start enjoying your love and relationship - start practicing leaving the past where it belong - in the past and enjoy TODAY !

Reply to friend

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