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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2011/02/17

Emotional abuse

My boyfriend and I are in such a bad place in our lives at the moment. We are fighting all the time. We are swearing each other and saying the most awful things. We have been together for 3 years knowing we actually can''t end up together because his parents won''t accept me as I am a different religion. Even if I convert, they still won''t accept me and see it as something shameful. I am so hurt that my boyfipriend still has not found the courage to fight for me and now he tells me he is getting older and wants to settle down with someone. So his parents are going to arrange someone for him. I feel completely used and devastated that ge would just hop onto another person and just dump me. Even though we both know this is going no where. I just feel sick that he would want to move on so quickly and have no regard for me. All of this has brought us to a point where we hurting each other. I don''t know how to let go of this man i love and what to do from here. Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apparently, you have both agreed to allow his parents to decide whether or not you get marrried - you both gave this power to them. You have both assumed it is essential that they should accept you. And apparently he has decided that while he's prepared to live with you and quarrel with you, he is not prepared to take on his parents and either change their prejudiced views, or at least confront them and make it clear they have no right to forbid you to be happy together.
And now he has completely surrendered to his parents, and will meekly marry whoever they choose for him. Clearly, he does not love you as much as you love him.
Move on, with the help of a counsellor if necessary. The longer you insist on sitting in this dead-end street, the longer you are preventing yourself from meeting someone who will actually share your love sincerely

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mary | 2011/02/20

Re: post by Mohamed. I don''t think all people of different religions are like that. It''s about respecting everyone and not hiding behind religion. He does love his parents and his religion but he should of thought about that before he got in such a serious relationship with me. Love knows no race, religion or circumstance. That''s what I believe and yes there will be some ignorant selfish people in this world. I guess that''s just life.

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Mohamed | 2011/02/18

He loves his parents and religion more than you. Move on with the help of councilling asap.
Do not date again someone of a different religion again, this is the lesson to be learned from this experience.

Reply to Mohamed
Posted by: Romany | 2011/02/17

You know what? Maybe I am a dreamer, but I believe " Love conquers all" .
If you realy love someone, you WILL make it happen and you will make it work.
Convert or whatever it takes. You two need to approach his parents and have a good, long, open discussion. What are their expectations etc? Do they want their son to be happy or do they want a grandchild? How selfish are they?
This is ofcourse if HE wants to. Maybe he does not?
COMPROMISE for LOVE.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Woman | 2011/02/17

So many times one stays in a dead-end relationship because on is afraid of being alone. Religion is a major issue in a relationship. If his parents (and therefore he) do not accept you for you, then it can never NEVER work. You''re setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain. This is not abuse, this is merely one of those things.

But you are realising that the relationship is ending, and that will hurt. Be smart about it, end it. End it finally and move on with your life. After all, if he isn''t the right one, it means that the one is out there, waiting for you, and if you are not free, then he will not find you.

Good luck!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Purple | 2011/02/17

If he really loved you as much as you think and wanted to be with you he would stand up to his parents on the issue. He is hiding behind their wishes to end the relationship with you.

You yourself see no future - what are you still doing there then - neither of you actually wants to be in the relationship.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Casey | 2011/02/17

Get out of the relationship as quickly as you can before you get hurt any further.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/17

Apparently, you have both agreed to allow his parents to decide whether or not you get marrried - you both gave this power to them. You have both assumed it is essential that they should accept you. And apparently he has decided that while he's prepared to live with you and quarrel with you, he is not prepared to take on his parents and either change their prejudiced views, or at least confront them and make it clear they have no right to forbid you to be happy together.
And now he has completely surrendered to his parents, and will meekly marry whoever they choose for him. Clearly, he does not love you as much as you love him.
Move on, with the help of a counsellor if necessary. The longer you insist on sitting in this dead-end street, the longer you are preventing yourself from meeting someone who will actually share your love sincerely

Reply to cybershrink

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