Posted by: Passion | 2009/09/17

Elusive female orgasm

I'  m 29 years old and I have never had an orgasm with hubby but I have achieved orgasm when I use my vibrator.

I have tried everything short of going to a sexologist (It is too expensive for me) - I'  ve talked to him so much about foreplay, etc he will do it on the day I mention it after that he just satisfies himself, not even aware that I didn'  t even get started. I got to a point where I HATED it when he tried to get sexy with me and I spoke to him openly about everything. I even bought books for us to go through together but to no avail. When I talk to him he seems to understand my frustration but when it comes to doing the deed he just goes back to his old patterns. He just focuses on his own pleasure and thats where it ends.

If we try out something new and I start to moan because things are warming up, he switches to automatic and it becomes about him again - of course that kills any progress I may have made. It is almost as if he does not know how to please a female and it is soo frustrating. I'  ve prayed to God, bought books, had countless conversations with him, I even bought the vibe to show him what it is supposed to be like but he just falls back into his old patterns.

I believe God created sex to be beautiful between husband and wife but my hubby'  s selfishness (I'  m not sure that he does this on purpose or if that is the only way he knows how to have sex) has got me so frustrated that once or twice I'  ve even thought of going astray - I will not do it but I have thought of it. I don'  t like pleasing myself....

What can I do to improve my situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

i fully understand your predicament and i would like to commend you for your tireless efforts to claim something that is rightfully yours: sexual pleasure is fundamental in a relationship.

i do suspect that your husband has your best interests at heart but may lack the skills and techniques to accomplish his task. many men believe that sex is a natural act and like breathing it should come naturally to them. however, this is not the case and sex needs to be taught through partner-communication, sex-ed ect. thus, i suspect that your husband needs to be re-educated regarding sex but this may take a more active role on your part - you need to ensure that he practices what the books and educational material teach. one way of doing so is to theme each sexual act, ie: today will only be sex by the use of your tongue. the next day, sex only by using your fingers. by doing so, he will come to realise that both his and your sexual satisfaction is not just based on penetration by the penis but that even a tongue can make both a man and women orgasm. by the very fact that both of you would be encountering new territory, it may put him at ease as he will not be required to perform like a pro as both of you will be novices at it (many men are taught to believe that sex requires the man to be active and women to be passive which allots men the role of sexual satisfaction and performance for both partners squarely on his shoulders alone).

if you require any further assistance, please phone our helpline; 0860 100 262.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: woman | 2009/09/17

haha! Please do refer to the post " just a thought" . I think you might be dealing with the same problems as those guys. which just shows me, the problems are the same, only the details differ! The sexologists answer there is also great!

Reply to woman
Posted by: Ken | 2009/09/17

That is sad, it' s a pity there are so many men out there who do not take the issue of pleasing their women seriously. I do not claim to be an expert, but I have done much research over the years on how to please a woman sexually, and I do think it has helped me a lot. My lady says I am the best lover she has ever had and that I know how to please a woman. I think I get more pleasure out of seeing the woman enjoy herself, than the actual act itself. I love foreplay and can do it for a long time, which is what a woman needs in order to become sufficiently aroused to enjoy sex and ultimately orgasm. I am often happy just to bring my partner to orgasm, and the look of satisfaction on her face is enough for me, I do not need to have an orgasm myself.
It takes a lot of work &  practice to be a good lover, but it is well worth the effort.

Reply to Ken
Posted by: Boet | 2009/09/17

ek kan nie glo jy kry sulke mans nie!

Reply to Boet

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