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Question
Posted by: noname | 2004/12/20

Ejaculation

I have a problem, can have sex for hours but have difficulty ejaculating. It is still very enjoyable, howeverm one wants to reach orgasm at least some times.

Any suggestions?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Have you ever been able to climax during sex? Under what circumstances? Each man's stamina is different. And, there's no standard period of time in which one has to climax. Some may orgasm quickly or in a moderate amount of time, while others may last longer before climaxing. Yet, there are also men who have difficulty orgasming, or who may not climax at all. In this situation, sometimes it can be helpful to concentrate on the pleasurable sensations, shifting the focus away from reaching orgasm or any possible distractions. However, more than likely, the solution isn't this simple as the cause might involve deeper psychological or physiological issues. If this is the case, the first step is to figure out why this is happening.

Sometimes having a lot of endurance, but having difficulty climaxing, can be a side effect of certain prescription drugs, such as antidepressants. For some men, certain medications can cause problems with sexual desire. For others, these drugs may make it more difficult for them to have or maintain an erection, or even have an orgasm. If you're on meds, it can be helpful to speak with your health care provider about the possibility of lowering the dosage or changing the prescription. Sometimes using alcohol or recreational drugs, such as cocaine, can cause sexual difficulties as well. Have you had any of these in your system when you've experienced too much endurance? If so, see if your lengthy duration changes when you're not under the influence.

Answering the following questions may help you assess the situation.

If you masturbate, are you able to orgasm? How long does it usually take you to come when masturbating?
Chances are that if you can orgasm and/or ejaculate, you may have conditioned yourself to do so from a certain type of stimulation. If you orgasm or come fairly easily when you're alone, but have the opposite experience when you're with a partner, expressing or showing her or him exactly how you want to be touched may be beneficial.

Do you find that you have a more difficult time climaxing when you're with a partner?
This can result from a subconscious desire to withhold this level of intimacy from or be unwilling to surrender to a partner. For some, it's important to build trust with a partner in order to feel comfortable sharing this experience. Sex therapy can help in this instance.

If you have sexual intercourse, do you experience anxiety or fear that may be preventing you from having an orgasm?
Sex therapists refer to men who are unable to come during intercourse as experiencing inhibited male orgasm or retarded ejaculation. For some, this is caused by anxiety about pregnancy, religious guilt, or other psychological issues. This condition can be caused by alcohol or other drug use, too. Oftentimes, men who have this experience do orgasm through masturbation, touching by a partner, or oral sex.
If the questions above seem to point to possible reasons for your difficulty, you may find it helpful to seek the help of a sex therapist, psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist, etc. To find a sex therapist in your area, call SA Sexual Health Association on 0860 100 262.

To rule out that your endurance is not related to psychological issues, you may want to consider seeing a urologist, before you work with a sex therapist.

Dr Elna McIntosh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Moss | 2004/12/21

I think it's all about techniques, i take long as well, sometimes unintentionally and my partner likes it but it does get to a point where she is tired and wants me to ejaculate. My technique is pulling my penis almost out of her for the next strokes...it works for me.

Reply to Moss
Posted by: mont | 2004/12/20

what is sex? or does chatting drinking naked count

Reply to mont
Posted by: noname | 2004/12/20

Thanks all for the advice. But I suppose I should not complain. I am not desperate yet. Dr., I will read up a bit more.

Reply to noname
Posted by: Feline | 2004/12/20

I agree with you, maybe you should not complain :-) I have read so many guys/females complaining about premature ejaculation.

I know that my partner takes longer to ejaculate when penetrating, but much quicker with a blow job or hand job. I guess the sensation of hand/mouth is much more controlled than vaginal penetration i.e. gentler, rougher, tighter depending on your preference.

I must say I am quite impressed with your stamina - and would not worry about it if I was you - unless of course your partner is complaining - which I doubt??

Reply to Feline
Posted by: noname | 2004/12/20

Feline - I do not have a problem with maintaining an erection, even after an orgasm, say 10-20 minutes, I am ready again. It is only that it sometimes takes for ages to reach an orgasm...the final release...I still enjoy every minute of it and yes, I do come more easily with a hand or blow job...maybe I should not complain...

Reply to noname
Posted by: Feline | 2004/12/20

Hi noname - I am very curious! I know women can still enjoy sex although they don't always reach orgasm, but I was not aware that men can do the same? Does this mean that you maintain an erection for a prolonged time?

Anyway - are you spending a sufficient amount of time on foreplay? i.e. are you really hot when you penetrate your partner. And if your partner gives you a hand or blow job do you then ejaculate or not?

Reply to Feline

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