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Question
Posted by: blom | 2004/11/28

effects of arbotion

Hi doc, plz could you tell me about the after effects of arbotion. I had a TOP 6months ago and now everytime I see a baby I long for one or feel extremely guilty about killing mine. The nurses handled me in a very rude manner and left me feeling depressed and now all I think about is what they said to when I was having the TOP done.They called me a killer and I'm slowly beggining to feel like one. I am craving having a baby and at times I despise my boyfriend because I feel like he is not understanding enough about what I went through. Plz help

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Our expert says:
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Dear Blom,
Sadly, he reactions you are experiencing are not at all unusual ; to the extent that I feel it ought to be compulsory whenever a TOP is performed, that counselling is provided automatically, with follow-up, for the woman involved. Some nurses, who ought never to be involved in TOP procedures, have strong anti-abortion feelings, which is their right, but they are NEVER entitled as health professionals to impose their personal opinions and emotions on their patients. Frankly, of I came across ANY nurse so totally unprofessional as to call a woman having a top, a :killer" I would complain immediately to the matron and to the Nursing Council. Provision is made for any nurse or doctor who is ethically opposed to abortion NOT to have to be involved in such procedures --- but if they choose to become involved, they are NEVER ever entitled to victimize the patient. Their behaviour was unethical, unprofessional, and disgraceful.
Your boyfriend is probably being well-meaning but men, especally young men, who have never experienced pregnancy or TOP, even if they try to understand, will have difficulty appreciating the depth of emotion a woman often feels in these circumstances.
I think you need and deserve to see at least a counsellor, and probably a shrink for a full assessment of your present state, and discussion of treatment options. You are not to blame for a decision that was sincerely and thoughfully made. When your circumstances have changed sufficiently that you are able to become a mother and provide fully for a child, you should have no dificulty in falling pregnant again, and having a normal pregnancy and birth --- and enjoying motherhood. As you appreciate, being a good mother --- and I see no reason why you would not become an excellent mom --- is far more than matters of plumbing and incubation, but a long-term emotional and caring commitment. When you are ready to do this, you will be able to do so.

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