Posted by: Lonely | 2005/06/30


Can someone PLEASE explain why this is happening to me...again? I(38yrs) met this guy(43yrs) almost 4 years ago. The first 2 years was wonderful! We did everything together and helped each other in each and every way. He used my car daily as he did not have one of his own. A year ago(after acquiring his own car), he suddenly stayed out all weekends, & announced that he needed his space and did not want to settle down. I was devastated ..I did not expect that at all!. He moved out but stayed in contact with me(I think out of guilt as he left me at a bad time too!).4 months ago, he admtted that he made a mistake and that he still loves me, that he wants another chance, that he missed the kids etc he moved back in. I was very happy as I still love him very much!...But lo and behold!!...a month ago he started spending weekends with his friends again!! He has asked me to give him some more space as he realises that this cannot go on anymore. He packed a bag and stayed over with friends for two weeks....He is supposed to tell me what his decision is this wekend!.I obviously thought that there is another woman involved...but I've made several investigations and found out that there is no other woman involved...(I could be wrong?) How can he really love me?...when he does this to me? Why is he so scared to commit? Surely a man at his age would want to settle down?? Please help! I'm hurt, confused, depressed....

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Our expert says:
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I agree with the other messages. Look after yourself

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Our users say:
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/06/30

I had a male friend who once said he USES divorcees coz they are so gullible and scared of having ANOTHER failed relationship so they can abuse them.....

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Lonely | 2005/06/30

Thank you so much for all the replies...

It makes me feel I'm not alone in this world! I will try to be strong and "just let him go". I honestly do not need this insecurity and instability in my and my kids' lives...It is difficult as it is being a divorced single mom! Thanx guys!

Reply to Lonely
Posted by: Lola | 2005/06/30

Lomely, you deserve better than this jerk. He uses you, and cannot make up his mind about what he needs. He is keeping you on a string for when he needs you, but wants his space when it suits him. Cut him loose. Your kids don't need that instability intheir lives either.

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/06/30

Lara has got it 100% right. They only come back when they are in trouble and need something from you. Not for love!

Give him the boot!

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/06/30

I once read:

if someone hurts you once - it's their fault
if someone hurst you a second time - it's your own fault

He's using you.
He know's you'll take him back.
You've lost 4 years of your life, why lose more ?
I saw on tv the other night - every day you spend with this man is a day you could have moved closer to Mr. Right.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Lara | 2005/06/30

Hello Lonely, this happend to me as well, i basically looked after my boyfriend cause he did not have a job, then when he was able to look after himself he did exactly the same to me, stayed out for 2-3 days, i think he messed around i have no proof (but a woman knows) so finally i got sick of this sh*t and moved out on my own. And changed my life a bit. So he came crawling back to me, and in a moment of weakness i took him back, and guess what he did it again.
Men only come back when their life is shit. Dont let him come back into your life, let him work for it this time.
I mean he is not a child anymore, he must start making desicions and stick to them.

Good luck!

Reply to Lara

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