Posted by: vanessa | 2009/04/20

dumped boyfriend, feel empty

Hi all. I left my bf yesterday, after I finally had enough. He went out with his friends on saturday night, came home very drunk at 02h30, then stole money out of my bag and took my car to go buy cigarettes. This was the last straw, after many long months of nonsense. He' s cheated on me, expected me to support him financially, broken my car and pushed me around in a fit of anger, etc etc...
I know that it' s the intelligent move, I can' t stay with him any more and put up with his rubbish. I just feel so empty... and I feel guilty because he depended on me financially (he' s unemployed and living with his mother). I' m scared that he won' t try find a job now (if only because I' m not around to push him to and to send his cv out) and his life will get even worse. At the same time, I don' t love him anymore, he' s hurt and betrayed me too often.
Am I being stupid to worry more about the quality of his life rather than the quality of mine? I feel selfish to put myself first like this, but I just can' t handle it anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well done. But breaking a bad habit ( as some relationships ae ) isn't easy --- keep to your good decsion, and when you weaken and want to re-think it, remember all the excellent reasons why you made this decision. YOU have nothing to feel guilty about, about him depending on you --- that's something HE should feel guilty about. And people who temporarily need financial help fro friends shouldn't waste money on all night boozing and cigarettes.
The emptiness will only be temporary. Don't YOU feel scared that he might not bother to get a job --- that is HIS responsibility and HISm problem, not yours. And the fact that you're no longer around to support him even if he doesn't bother, will give him the best chance of becoming sensible and self-supporting again. If not, that is HIS concern.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: vanessa | 2009/04/20

Thanks guys, I feel a little better. I' m just a little worried still because he said yesterday that he' ll do crazy things if I leave him... and I can easily believe it. He' s done some horrible things when I' ve tried to leave him before. I am still worried about how he' ll manage without me, but it' s true, he' s an adult and should be responsible for himself. After all, he lost his job due to his own stupidity, and has wasted other opportunities for employment because he' s been lazy.
I must just be strong! I suppose it' ll be a great chance for me to get re-acquainted with old friends... Thank you all.

Reply to vanessa
Posted by: T | 2009/04/20

Vanessa, This guy' s an adult and the last thing you would need even if you hadn' t broken up with him would be to have a " child"  his age to look out for and worry about. It' s his responsibility to worry about how his life turns out and try to get a job, not yours. You did the right thing for yourself, you as an individual should matter more to yourself than this guy and if being with him was making you unhappy, you deserve all the happiness in the whole world even if it means walking away from him. You did the right thing &  Cut him out completely, otherwise he might find ways of taking from you and you might find ways of giving into the guilt trip as well. Good luck!

Reply to T
Posted by: Liza | 2009/04/20

There is a difference between selfish and sensible. Your actions weren' t selfish, just sensible. Your feeling of guilt is completely unnecessary. Move on and don' t look back!

Good luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: arnold | 2009/04/20

and when he finally gets a job steal his credit card

eye for an eye

Reply to arnold
Posted by: Jason | 2009/04/20

Good move Vanessa.

This guy seems to not add any value to your life.

You sound like a mature level-headed person.

Move on and find someone who will treat you with respect.

It' s not hard!

Good luck


Reply to Jason

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