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Question
Posted by: Devestated | 2007/06/13

Dumbstruck and confused

I have been in an on and off relationship for the past seven years.
When we are together it is amazing we get on so well. My partner is very moody and changes like the weather. I am unsure how to take it. One minute we are doing well then out of the blue he accuses me of all sorts of things. He tells me I am manipulative. I scream at him I bring up past events I negotiate and relationships are not about negotiation. We have been doing so well the suddenly out of the blue Sunday morning I smsed him to ask him how he was feeling because he had eaten to much on the satyrday evening and did not feel well. I said I was happy not to eat out any more. He accused me of manipulating facts. All I asked was how he was. He got abusive and nasty and I asked him to stop. He then told me he does not want me any more. He joined a date club. A few weeks before he did the same thing becasue I invited him to go with my daughter and myself to the dam. He dumped me. He then begged me to come back. He promised not to date club and break it off all the time. He always accuses me of breaking things off but I said to him if you break it off then stay away but no it was me who broke it off. It is always me. Some body was stalking me but that was my fault and I was a liar. I don't understand how someone can change like this from one minute to the next. He is devestating. How can I change things so he does not go off the racket at me all the time. I suggested therapy he wont go tells me i must change. Even when I am agreeing with him and trying to please him I am being manipulative. I just cant win. I get so hurt and devestated by this. And I know when he calms down he will contact me and pretend that this was all my fault. I really love him but cant handle this. I dont know what to do. How does some one live with someone like this it is like walking on egg shells i gnerally try and say yes to most things. The only thing I will not put up with is date clubs and him calling me ugly names like whore. I have told him this but I am not allowed to bring anything up. I must just shut up. He started accusing me of demanding to eat out all the time but he needs to live his live like he wants. I have always agreed to not eat out offered to cook. Now he says this is my issue which it is not. I just reitterated what my issues were. He accuses me of twisting facts. I know what my issues are and eating at home is a hundred per cent for me. I am always happy to cook. We dont live together and occassionaly he will allow me to cook. I know I have to leave him alone and then in about a week he will beg to see me and beg and beg until I agree. If I say know I am manipulative and controlling. Help me cope and handle the situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hear the problem, with so many details confirming it. WHat I don't hear is why you would want to remain in any relationship with such a person ? I hear no reason why he might change, so don't wait around expecting that. Don't you deserve to rather spend your time with someone better than this ? And being on your own would be better than spending time with somneone who behaves like this

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/06/13

You're right, but unfortunately I don't have the right to tell him to f... off :-(

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Earl | 2007/06/13

Echelle - U'd betta practise what u preach !

Reply to Earl
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/06/13

What an idiot! Don't take his sh!t anymore, you're allowing him to be like that and that's why it will never stop! Just tell him straight to f... off and don't ever take him back no matter how many times he begs you!

Reply to Echelle

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