Posted by: Unsocial Butterfly | 2004/10/14

Drink to have fun

Dear CS,

You know when you have a lot of time on your hands, you're led to think about everything. Well, for the past 3 months or so, I've come to realise how much I rely on alcohol to have a good time when I go out. I think it started at Vasity (my parents didn't allow me to even go to parties at school). We would always have a glass of wine before heading out to clubs. It really did boost my self confidence. But then I think in varsity, we really overdid it with alcohol - it's purpose was to get drunk. Now, 3 years after graduating, I realise I still do that - I must have a drink before I go out (which isn't very often). If I haven't had a drink, I have a miserable time. I don't have the confidence in myself to start a conversation, I feel ugly, and just want to leave as soon as possible. And I feel as though people enjoy my conversation more when I'm relaxed and slightly intoxicated. I'm not an alcoholic - my fridge has a bottle of wine and a savannah or 2 that have been there for about 2 months - those are of course the pre-going out drinks. I don't like this realisation that I've come to, but I don't know any better! Is there any advice out there?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know what you mean, though having a lot of time on my hands, is not a problem I've faced since around the age of 2 ! But you've made good use of your own time, and a valid and perceptive observation. Maybe because your parents didn't allow you to gain experience and social confidence while you were at school, you may have had some mild social anxiety, and used alcohol to reduce that. Counselling would help you to gain self-confidence that wouldn't depend on chemicals like alcohol. People may well enjoy you more when you're relaxed, not necessarily alcoholically so. SO substitute REAL courage for the Dutch courage ! Work on more natural and lasting ways of getting rid of your social anxiety permanently, and then drink, when you do, purely for pleasure, stopping before drunkenness ( at which point you no longer even know if there's pleasure involved !).
Interesting that Savanah / Hunters Gold are now popular here. As Cider, they were our staple brew as students in the UK, where it's even better and cheaper !
There's nothing wrong with drinking alcohol in moderation, so long as you are able to keep to the moderation --- it may even have health benefits in modest amounts. So long as you are using the chemical rather than it using you, you're probably all right. And you absolutely do need to develop and retain the ability to have loads of fun without booze.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jip | 2004/10/15

Always b positive,

Well said.

UB, if you have only a few, thats fine even before going out. But take heed of ABP's posting. The Varsity days of drinking seems to be where a lot of people start drinking too much. This seems to carry on during their twenties, because of social events etc..... but try not to use because it gives you confidence. Work with a counselor to sort out that problem.

Have fun, be confident....... don't drink too much and enjoy yourself!!

Reply to Jip
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/10/14

Always b positive..... no one on this forum was talking about going out and getting as bombed as we possibly can to have fun.

The point every one is trying to make is: there is nothing wrong having a few drinks to up your self esteem, just like there is nothing wrong with taking anti depressents to stop depression. And not every one who has a couple of drinks when they go out goes to the gutter my friend. You sound as if you had tendencies to go there, and got yourself out before it was too late (good for you)

I hardly drink during the week, only on week ends, and i too have a better time when i have a couple of drinks. Am i an alcoholic? Certainly not.

Just because i drink doesn't mean i have the black plague. Get a life. You're making me mad.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: always b positive | 2004/10/14

Heres the thing...

We were created to have an aweosme life...a life of happiness, love and family....

Dont listen to the above comments..they too have issues in thier lives thats why they think its cool to drink. Let me tell you ive passed the stage of going out and drinking to have fun and have seen many people slowly over time become alcholics and its VERY VERY SAD!!!

You can stop this now, you dont need alcohol to enjoy your self as its not the true you...You have a lot to offer this world realise that before it beomes to late and you fall into an UGLY pattern and cant get out.

Nobody likes to have a drunk around them, most times its very very unattractive and sad that people stoop to that level.
Try to make this change in your life. Do it for your future!

Reply to always b positive
Posted by: tebogo | 2004/10/14

I do the same all the time and loving it, just imagine the world without booze. I love having my wines and prefer dry white wine. Unsociable butterfly it happens to most of us before going out to network, do not blame yourself or feel like you are abusing alcohol. Listen as long as you do it once in a while and not repeatedly you are fine.


Reply to tebogo
Posted by: JG | 2004/10/14

So what if it gives us a bit of selfconfidence or makes
us forget about all the crap that goes on in this world.
If you can still take that "ugly-girl" out for breakfast the
next morning, ill say that it was worth it.

Reply to JG
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/10/14



I get the point that UB is making and i get your point J. Actually let me rather keep quiet, cause i'm going to get some flack here...

Sorry guys!!!


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: J | 2004/10/14

Sorry, hate to be rude, but it seems most are missing the point here and I slightly agree with Jasmine.
UB, maybe you should focus on boosting your self-esteem and there are many ways it can be done.
Maybe counselling will help and I am sure CS will also suggest other ways.
I tend to disagree with Jasmine, regarding abusing alcohol and it seems you are not an alcoholic, but you could become susceptible to Alcoholism if you do not find other ways of expressing self-confidence.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you!!!

Reply to J
Posted by: danny-girl | 2004/10/14

you know the saying.......

if it wasn't for booze the ugly people wouldn't get laid ....

Reply to danny-girl
Posted by: JG | 2004/10/14


Wow, it funny how many of us there are out there, I don't even
have the guts to walk up to a girl and make small talk if im
sober. Kinda sad isnt it. Its amazing how booz can do this to you,

Anyway, ill have a drink on you next time I go out.

Reply to JG
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/10/14

Ah shame no angel....

I hear you can drink stout (beer) but that stuff sucks so much i'd rather stick to water!!!!

Damn dont know how i would cope without the occassional ''Dop''

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: noangel | 2004/10/14

Well I am pregnant and cannot drink at all so imagine how depressing going to a restaurant gets......

Reply to noangel
Posted by: sweetcakes | 2004/10/14

i know alot of people that do what you do and even i do it...i don't think there's anything wrong with it, just enjoy yourself and have fun...just don't go overboard!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to sweetcakes
Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/10/14

If it bothers you enough to post this message, then yes, something is amiss.Think about it. That means that you are abusing alcohol and you dont have to be an alcoholic to do that.

Reply to Jasmine
Posted by: danny-girl | 2004/10/14

Savanna .... jummy, jummy, jummy!

I do the same - dutch courage ?

Reply to danny-girl
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/10/14

I Feel exactly the same.... but i've learnt to accept it. I know im not an alcoholic, but i do enjoy having a pre-drink and a couple to relax me and get me more sociable. Hey, we all have our faults.

Big up's on choosing Savannah as your choice of poison. Its a great drink.

And babe, i think thats why we all like have a toot or two. Its not just the two of us that feel this way. I think every one who drinks enjoys it, that's the point... if they wanted to stay sober they would drink a cool drink.

Reply to PARIS

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